All beauty gurus and cosmetic connoisseurs have heard these remarks at some point: “Why do you wear so much makeup?” “You know you’re beautiful without it, right?” “I prefer girls with a natural look.” Maybe you’ve overheard these comments in others’ conversations, or maybe you’ve been told these things yourself. As someone who has been told bullshit makeup criticism since she was 12 years old, I’ve heard it all. Here’s how to respond to the haters:
1.Laugh in their face
Just start laughing at the ridiculous concept that some people think that Kim Kardashian is an example of the “natural look.” Because news flash, the “no makeup makeup tutorial” is actually a real thing, and it involves at least ten products. Instead of wasting your breath explaining this to naysayers, just laugh and walk away. So easy.
2. Walk them through your whole makeup routine
This is the opposite of the previous tip, and this will hopefully just bore the person who asked to the point that they exiting the conversation on their own. Well, Aunt Jane, first I apply moisturizer to my face to prevent cracking of the skin and premature aging. Then, I prime my face with a foundation primer to minimize my pores and make sure that my foundation has a smooth surface to latch on to. After about the 5th step, hopefully whoever is giving you flack about your face will have fallen asleep so you can enjoy the rest of your day in peace.
3. “Because it makes me feel confident.”
This is a bit more serious of a response, but it is true and it is valid. I have always been pro-whatever-makes-you-happy, whether it be wearing a ton of makeup (or none at all), cosmetic surgery, or wearing a purple wig with green eyebrows. Seriously, I don’t care. You do you. It is not up to me to tell you what to do with your body, and I expect people to have the same respect for me. Personally, I feel like a swamp monster when I step out in public without at least some mascara or bronzer and blush. When I feel like a swamp monster, I am more likely to want to be a sad bum all day. That’s just how my mind works. When my face is made up, even if just a little, I feel more able to go out and live life happily and confidently, taking every opportunity I can. Isn’t it time we just let each other be happy?
4. “Because it’s artistic expression.”
Besides feeling better about myself, I also like to wear makeup for a more obvious reason: It’s fun! If I’m really bored, I’ll turn my face into my own personal canvas to experiment on even if I have nowhere else to go for the rest of the night.I don’t wear my makeup to impress anyone. In fact, the amount of people who do wear makeup to impress others are slim to none. I’ve found that my art skills in general have vastly improved since becoming makeup proficient. Makeup teaches you a lot of artistic skill, such as color pairing, smooth blending, and precision. Take that, pretentious makeup-shamers. Makeup is a valid art form.
5. “Because I like it. And that’s all that matters. The rest is none of your business.”
6. “I don’t know. Why do you grow a beard? To hide that baby face?”
Okay, so I guess this is only applicable if a guy asks you why you wear so much makeup (which actually happens a lot, since they’re basically clueless to what makeup actually does). God bless the guys who passed the “What is a Beauty Blender?” test.
7. “Because it’s a bonding experience.”
I have made legitimate friendships and have had some of the most entertaining conversations just by talking about makeup. For real. One of my good friends and I talked about the Anastasia Beverly Hills Moon Child Glow Kit for a solid fifteen minutes. This same friend got me hooked on the brand Colourpop. Makeup can be a way to form friendships off of a mutual hobby, and I see nothing wrong with making new friends. Some girls from my hometown even added me to a Facebook group where everybody posts pictures of themselves wearing makeup that they really like. They give each other compliments and product recommendations, and that is a beautiful, cool thing. That hour before going out with your girls? Let’s be honest, getting ready with them is almost more fun than actually going out. I’ve had other girls ask me to do their makeup for events before and I did my little sister’s makeup for her 8th grade dance. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing the happiness and true confidence that shines off a girl’s face after she looks at herself in the mirror after I’ve done her makeup. Makeup isn’t a way of hiding someone’s natural beauty; it’s a way of highlighting it.
8. “Just because you don’t understand my hobby doesn’t mean that yours are any better.”
I dunno, why do you spend so much money on extra car parts that you don’t need, Mike? Why do keep buying antique figurines that no one can touch, Patricia? Leave me alone about my hobbies, and I’ll leave you alone about yours.
9. “What makeup?”
My eyelids are actually bright gold and shimmery. My lips are naturally fire-engine red too. I was also born with black lines around my eyes. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
10. Just stab them with your eyeliner.
Because we all know there’s no greater pain than accidentally hitting your eyeball with a freshly sharpened eyeliner pencil. Problem solved.