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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Purdue chapter.

Everyone has doubts and trust issues to some degree, but moving on from that and trusting your partner is the key to a successful relationship. Whether it is from your childhood or past relationships, trust issues can be a huge hurdle to overcome. I’m sure what you are facing is nothing out of the ordinary and completely normal for a college girl in this generation to feel. It is no secret that men in this generation low-key suck. With all the dating apps, social media, porn, and oversaturation of options, men have become far from trustworthy. However, protecting yourself from shady men and not trusting someone who has not given you any reason to distrust them is so different. As someone who had no trust or faith in men but now has complete trust in her boyfriend who lives over 2,000 miles away, I have gathered a few tips on getting over your trust issues (for the right guy). I hope that these tips allow you to move on from your past and enjoy the moment with your partner.

  1. You have to address the root of your trust issues before you attempt to move on. Ask yourself where these feelings of distrust originate from. Even if there is not an exact pinpoint moment from your past that triggered these feelings, ask when you first remember feeling this way. Get to the core of why you lack trust. Address who your trust issues are aimed at. Are they towards all men? Potential romantic partners? Do these issues carry into friendships? Where is the line drawn on who you trust and when did this line get drawn? Narrowing down the root of your trust issues is very difficult and may take time, but growth and moving on will not be possible without addressing why these trust issues arose in the first place.
  2. Seriously evaluate the person you are talking to or crushing on. After pinpointing the origin of your trust issues and addressing why you feel the way you do, you have to consider if your potential partner or whoever the person may be is worth your time and trust. As I said earlier, this world has plenty of shady men who are simply not worth your time. It is easy to just assume that all men are like this, but that is the downfall of so many relationships and situationships. If your projected partner has not given you a reason to doubt them, DO NOT DOUBT THEM! Girls (myself included) often assume at first that the boy they are hanging out with is not exclusively talking to them. That may be the case in some scenarios, but is not always true. Do not just assume that they are disloyal without talking to them first. Seriously, if this person has been respectful to you thus far, don’t dismiss that by grouping them into your past experiences. If they are not valuing you or your time, drop them or talk to them about it if you think it’s worth salvaging. If that isn’t the case and you are not clearly on the back burner, do not immediately fall into distrust.
  3. Now, if you are in a relationship and still facing these issues, you have to have a serious talk with the person you’re seeing. Why is it that these issues still exist? Is it something that they are doing to make you feel this way or are you just still healing from your past? Trust issues don’t disappear overnight, so it’s okay for you to still have lingering doubts, but please don’t let those doubts cast a shadow over your relationship unless they are valid. Personally, I used to overthink everything my boyfriend did and who he would hang out with for the first few months. This would make me stressed for no reason and he would have no idea why I was acting differently, which wasn’t fair to either of us. This takes time, but you have to be able to separate real valid concerns from delusions that stem from past experiences. Becoming secure in your relationship takes time and some hard conversations, which brings me to my next point.
  4. Stand up for yourself! Grow a pair and be honest with whoever it is that you still have doubts about. Never be afraid to communicate how you feel. Make sure these conversations are productive and not just passing blame onto the other person. If you are stressed or upset about something they did or said, please talk about it. Again, be sure to separate delusions from real situations and feelings. Your feelings are always valid and it’s important for your partner to hear you out and try their best to comfort you, as well as you to comfort them if they have any of these feelings. If your partner is not meeting you halfway and listening to your concerns, why are you with them? I’m sure that you have vetted them enough before diving into a relationship, so if trust is still lacking it can usually be solved with a simple conversation. Ask your significant other if they can be more attentive to your insecurities and feelings because that’s the only way you can grow together. Personally, I have had plenty of conversations about boundaries and what we both view as being disloyal. If these boundaries are crossed and trust is broken, talk about it! Communication is the glue to every relationship and it’s the only way you can get over not trusting your partner.

Trusting someone new can be very scary and difficult. It is completely normal to move a little slower and be a bit skeptical. However, in order to grow and flourish in your new relationship, you have to leave your trust issues behind. I wish you all the best and hope that you can use this guide to help!

Tori Rytell is the events director at the Purdue University chapter of Her Campus. She serves as the club treasurer as well as the events coordinator. Tori writes about a variety of topics with focuses on self-care, beauty, entertainment, and relationships. Aside from Her campus, Tori studies political science and business communications with a minor in law and society. Tori is involved in Greek life on campus. In her free time, Tori loves to take her dogs Stella and Max on long walks, watch Netflix reality TV shows or Suits, and spend quality time with her friends.