Two of my favorite things are A24 movies and coffee. I hate to sound “basic,” but at this point, can we just come to the agreement that things are usually “basic” and popular because they’re actually good? Let’s end this internalized misogyny-based thinking once and for all!
Have you ever wondered what your coffee order says about you in terms of A24’s extensive film catalogue? Well, look no further. I’ve got all the answers for you.
As a barista who works in a campus coffee shop that serves Starbucks, and who has seen — and obsessed over — many A24 films, I know I am fully qualified to provide this assessment. Enjoy!
- Black Coffee
If you go to Starbucks and order either an iced or hot black coffee (or black cold brew), you are the A24 film “Uncut Gems.” You have no time for anything extra in your coffee that will slow you down from going about your day.
You also probably think you’re pretty cool for ordering black coffee; just like people who like “Uncut Gems.”
- Caramel Macchiato
If you order a caramel macchiato, not only do you not know much about coffee (it’s okay — I wouldn’t know much either if I didn’t spend excessive hours at my job), but you are also “Lady Bird.”
Like a caramel macchiato, “Lady Bird” is definitely a safe — and fantastic — choice, even if it is a bit basic.
You definitely walk around — full of angst — with your caramel macchiato, thinking you are much more sophisticated than you really are. I’m not judging; this is a pretty accurate description of me most days.
Like the title character in “Lady Bird,” you’re still figuring out who you are and what kind of coffee you actually like — something that isn’t just the only drink you know on the Starbucks menu.
- Matcha Green Tea Latte
If you get a matcha latte, you are probably kind of outdoors-y, may identify as a hippie, and may smoke a lot of marijuana. You are “Midsommar.”
Matcha lattes are the more kind and welcoming version of a pretentious black coffee. It’s like the way “Midsommar” makes you feel before the movie takes a disturbing turn.
If you drink matcha lattes, you definitely love “Midsommar” — mostly for the color palette, and also because you are obsessed with Florence Pugh.
This entire section is a callout to myself as well.
- Pink Drink
If you order a pink drink, you likely started ordering it because of James Charles. Thus, you are “Eighth Grade.”
You are either in eighth grade, or you are at the emotional maturity level of an eighth grader.
Regardless, at 21, I still love a good pink drink. I’m pretty sure it’s just because of my low-key obsession with Charles
- Vanilla Latte
If you get a simple vanilla latte, you are “The Disaster Artist.”
Your life isn’t too complex, but you’re here for a good time — hence the addition of sweet vanilla syrup in your latte.
You don’t take yourself too seriously, but you still like to play it safe. Watching the Franco brothers hilariously fail at creating a movie in the plot of “The Disaster Artist” is enough danger for you to handle — while still including the element of whimsy you crave.
If you order an Americano, you scare me. So, you are “Hereditary.”
The combination of only espresso and water is frightening — much like the film “Hereditary.”
You are still pretentious — like our favorite black coffee drinkers — but you have an element of horror mixed in. You definitely call “Hereditary” one of your favorite films.
- Mango Dragonfruit Refresher
Refresher-drinkers are definitely comparable to the film “Spring Breakers.”
You go out a lot, yet you somehow have a physical and mental battery that never needs to be recharged. You don’t even need the excess caffeine in coffee to keep yourself going.
You like to have fun, and definitely prefer warmer weather.
If these films don’t resonate with you, check out what other A24 films you relate to. See you in the theaters, collegiettes!