No Boyfriend, No Problem

Feeling Lonely? You’re Not Alone

When I was younger, I envisioned my teen years being filled with movie dates, high school dances, and the perfect boyfriend to stay up with all night talking on the phone - talking about our dreams and favorite things in life. Going into high school, I shortly found out that this Disney perfect picture was not the reality I was destined for.

Boys still acted like they did in middle school. They still drew sketches of the human anatomy all over their books, and lockers. Not much had changed, except for the fact that they’d grown a full foot taller than me over summer break, and their voices didn’t crack every time they laughed at a humorless joke.

There were no Troy Bolton’s in my high school. I went to school dances alone, while my best friends seemed to have endless opportunities of guys to choose from. Valentine’s Day was my least favorite holiday of the year - as if I needed a special day on the calendar to remind me of my nonexistent love life.

So, I thought, “Maybe college will be better.”

Well, if you’re looking for a surprise, I’m sorry to disappoint you. My situation hasn’t changed, but my perspective has.

It’s All About Mindset

Freshman year, I wandered through campus, grimacing at every couple that crossed my path. I envied girls that I didn’t know because they were lucky enough to have the one thing that I didn’t. I was never pretty enough or smart enough for anyone to pay me any attention; I thought there was something wrong with me - and there was something wrong. It was the way I was thinking. It was the fact that I determined my own worth by how much a guy desired me.

If there’s anyone else out there who’s never had a boyfriend, or even held hands with a guy, I understand how frustrating it can feel. Feeling as if you’re not good enough because you’re 18 and still haven’t had your first kiss. It can be lonely - but, you don’t have to be.

Find Yourself

Sophomore year, I found other people I connected to on campus. I began working part-time and joining different clubs and organizations. All of a sudden, guys became a distant thought. I found happiness by spending time doing the things that I enjoyed, and I started to finally love myself.

College is the one place where it’s okay not to know what you want. There are so many opportunities to explore in different areas and try new things. For me, it’s the place where I finally started to understand myself. How could I have expected a relationship when I didn’t even know who I was?

As a junior, I still make jokes about living a single life, but the idea of being alone doesn’t terrify me anymore. When you think about it, there really are no default rules in life that say you need to have a boyfriend by a certain time or else you’re destined for loneliness. So if you’re 18, 21, 25, or even 30 - it’s okay to be single. There’s nothing wrong with you. All that means is that you’ve had more time to focus on yourself and figure out exactly what you want. A guy can’t do that for you - you have to do that for yourself.