It’s time to stop blaming women for taking care of themselves.
Maybe I have too much faith in humanity, but I thought this was common knowledge; however, recent posts on social media have proved me wrong.
On Sept. 7, the world lost incredible music icon, Mac Miller. The rapper died from a suspected overdose at his home in Studio City, CA. Miller, who released his album, Swimming, a little over a month ago, is being mourned by friends, family and fans all over social media. While many of these posts highlight the talents of the late rapper and his influence on the genre, others are taking the tragic event in a completely different direction. Instead of honoring Miller’s accomplishments or his spirit, some fans have taken to placing blame on Miller’s ex-girlfriend, singer Ariana Grande.
The two dated for two years before Grande broke up with Miller, insisting she still cared about him but had to escape the toxic situation regarding his drug abuse. Just a week after the break up, Miller was in an accident from driving under the influence, and people started to blame Grande for his actions.
After the news of Miller’s death broke, anger directed at Grande amplified on social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram – and after receiving an abundance of hate including comments such as, “It’s crazy because you really did kill him” and “THIS IS YOUR FAULT,” Grande disabled comments on her recent Instagram post.
Listen up.
If you think Ariana Grande “killed” Mac Miller, you’re the problem. Blunt, but true. After sticking with Miller through his struggle with addiction, Grande made an unpopular and difficult decision to leave in order to take care of herself. Not only was this a choice that she was more than allowed to make for her own wellbeing, but Grande didn’t owe Miller anything. We always seem to want women to play the “savior” in relationships. Provide emotional support. Crack the hard outer shell. Play therapist.
Forcing women into the role of caretaker is extremely toxic; women also have to be responsible for themselves. Grande wasn’t Miller’s mother. He wasn’t her responsibility. Ultimately, we’re all solely responsible for our own wellbeing, and Grande is no exception.
One of Miller’s close friends, Shane Powers, spoke out about the accusations against Ariana, saying, “There could not have been anybody more supportive of him being sober than Ariana. I saw that, I was around it, I took phone calls from her, ‘How do I help? What do I do?’ This little girl was unbelievably involved and helpful to him being healthy.” Grande gave all she could for Miller until that started to interfere with her ability to care for herself. She recently posted a video of him to her Instagram with a caption saying, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t fix or take your pain away. I really wanted to.”
The singer is rumored to have recently been hospitalized for anxiety attacks, a physical manifestation of the toll Miller’s death and the words of others have taken on her.
We, as a society, as fans, as women and as decent human beings, need to stand together to support each other. Attacking Grande for Miller’s actions is irresponsible, groundless and would make the late rapper disappointed.
We’ll continue to mourn Mac Miller, but we won’t continue to blame Ariana Grande.
Rest easy, Mac.