Its 1:07 a.m. on Friday morning and tomorrow is my last official night in the United States until the end of May. As crazy as it sounds, I find myself more stressed and nervous than I do excited at the moment. Turns out, trying to fit your life into two suitcases is more difficult than it looks; however I am awfully proud of myself in my ability to narrow down my shoe choices for the semester. I’ll be buying a few over there—I’m sure!
If you were to ask my mother, she would tell you I’m nervous because I don’t like major changes and never have. Good or bad, something about the uncertainty of how a situation might turn out doesn’t sit well with me. I’m all for adventures, but my gut just hates me for a few days during the process. We’re working on getting along better.
If you were to ask my father, he would say I’m not sleeping well at night because I “can’t turn my brain off.” Apparently, like father like daughter. Yes, I’ve recently been blamed for his loss of sleep as well (how endearing).
If you were to ask my younger sister, she’d tell you that she can’t wait for me to go to Spain because then she can come visit me while the drinking age is 18.
If you ask my best friend she’d say nervous is an understatement—for her that is; worried that I’ll bring home a little surprise in the form of a hot, Spanish husband, which would obviously be the worst thing in the world, right?
But if you were to ask me, I’d tell you I’m nervous about the language difference and getting lost. I’ll be the first to claim myself as directionally challenged, and as much as I’ve tried to learn Spanish, it doesn’t come easily to me. I’ve worked really hard to come as far as I have, and I truly believe it has only been possible because I want to be fluent so badly.
Truth be told, I wish I could just skip the first couple weeks of being abroad because I know adjusting will be the hardest part—especially when it comes to one of the most basic acts people perform everyday without any thought; speaking. The crazy thing is that I can fully envision myself immersed, communicating like a pro and living there with no problem. I can’t wait to get to that point, and I know the rest of the process will make that feeling worth it.
Having traveled out of the country before, even for weeks at time, I never thought I would feel the way I do today before departure. But I think the reason behind my nerves and sleepless nights stem less from being scared of the unknown, and more from how wonderful I already know my time abroad will become. I’ve longed for this moment my entire undergraduate career; to be within reach of what I can predict with certainty will be one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences of not just college, but my entire life.
Finally, as the time approaches now 2 in the morning, I’ve found that shuffle on my iPod seems to have found a way to say the words I’ve been looking for since the beginning of this article. Thank you Jack’s Mannequin, I can now proudly say “I’m ready.”
Rachel also had a study abroad blog: http://rachellytle.blogspot.com/