As the autumn season approaches, you may feel pressured to get yourself a man. To have someone to cuddle up with on cold nights, someone to sit next to the fire with, someone to pour another glass of wine for you and sit through every Shonda Rhimes show with on Thursday nights. However, that’s a lot easier said than done. So a good alternative to finding yourself a “bae” might be a FWB (friend with benefits). While this relationship may be all fun with no annoyances or mixed messages, there are still some rules that need to be followed. As a seasoned member of the FWB club, and a current participant in a FWB relationship, allow me to break it down for you.
1. Thou shall not text repeatedly.
This may seem childish but one of the perks of being in a FWB relationship is that you can show as much interest as you want. The key is to not show too much interest, because then you might accidentally fall into the dreaded ‘feels.’ You want this to be fun and easy. If you text him after that brutal STAT 200 exam saying you want to see him and he doesn’t reply because he was at the gym or in the library, don’t worry or stress, do not text him seven times in a row, do not call Centre County Police and file a missing person’s report. He will get back to you eventually.
2. Thou shall always look bomb AF when seeing your FWB.
One of the things that I always make sure to do when going to my FWB appointment is plan my outfit in advance. You might think that I try too hard and I probably do, however he isn’t your boyfriend so the pressure is extra heavy to look good. You want to show up reminding him why you’re there. So if you have to spend an extra ten minutes contouring your face, don’t worry I promise you it will be worth it.
3. Thou shall not tell everyone and their mother.
I have to admit that I haven’t done a great job of following this one. But you should really try to keep your FWB relationship on the down low. Not because you should be ashamed but nine times out of ten the FWB will work better if your friends don’t know about it so they can’t put their two cents in or constantly ask you if you’re going to his formal.
4. Thou shall actually spend time talking to your FWB.
I’m not saying you should tell him every sob story or cry on his shoulder on a rough day, but you should actually try and converse with him. After I talk to my FWB for a solid five minutes it breaks the ice and makes our relationship more comfortable.
5. Thou shall be able to hook up with whomever during your FWB relationship.
You’re still a free agent, girlfriend. You can play the field as long as you want and if he gets salty about that well guess what that’s too bad. Disclaimer: if you do decide to hook up with other people, don’t rub it in his face to intentionally hurt him because that’s just straight up bad FWB etiquette.
6. Thou shall not get jealous.
Just as he isn’t allowed to get jealous if you hookup with someone else, you’re not allowed to get jealous either. Unless you have blatantly expressed to him that you want to be more than friends, you have no right to be mad. Trust me these boys aren’t mind readers, they can barely do their laundry much less interpret how you’re feeling.
7. Thou shall not hookup with one of his friends.
This rule may go without saying but just to clarify, while you can get with whomever you please, that doesn’t include his boys. Think about it, realistically would you be okay with him hooking up with one of your best friends? Hell to the no. Although that boy isn’t yours you still have a connection to him. He’s like the seat you sit in during every lecture; it may not have your name on it but other people know not to sit in it.
8. Thou shall not ask questions.
In relation to your FWB’s other relations, there should be a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. You should not want to know whom else your FWB is getting with. It makes your life and his much easier because then you’re less likely to get jealous and get ‘the feels.’ As far as you know, you’re the only one he’s involved with and in this case it might be better to live in “la-la land.”
9. Thou shall not use pet names.
In the throes of passion, it’s easy to utter “babe” or “baby” once or twice. However, you shouldn’t be calling him those names daily. Personally, I call my FWB either “dude,” by his name, or nothing. He’s not your boyfriend so you can’t act like he is. If some guy called me “baby” I would assume that he would want to be in a relationship with me. In the same sense, if you call him cute names then he might think you want more and that’s a huge no-no.
10. Thou shall remember that this type of relationship isn’t for everyone.
I’m just speaking here as a girl who accepts this type of relationship with a man. You might think I’m weak and I represent everything wrong with the world of dating today, but I do what works for me. However, that doesn’t mean that this situation will work for every girl. If you want more I encourage you to tell him how you feel and to put yourself out there. If you just want to have fun, then this might be an alternative. All in all, you have to experiment and find out what works for you.