Sometimes sex can ger gross and uncomfortable…. and by uncomfortable we mean getting left little “gifts” once the big shebang ends. Now is there a gift receipt for this?
When you think about sex gifts it usually sparks either interest, intrigue or confusion. Many people have their own interpretations of the term “gift” but for me, I think of marks acquired from sex. May that be scratches, bruises, red marks and so on.
I’ve had my fair share of sex marks, so you will. But the funniest one I’ve ever received was my sophomore year of college. The boy I was dating was working on a project at his fraternity house and he asked me to come with him. Even though I was absolutely exhausted from pulling an all-nighter the night before for an exam, I said sure. We got to the house and I decided that I was going to take a nap, I was going to take a nap right here. So I napped on the living room couch while he worked on the table. When I woke from the nap, I found him crouched down next to me with a horrified look on his face. As I was coming to, I just hear him repeatedly say “I am so sorry” and the brothers around him were laughing. I was super confused until they told me to go to the bathroom to find a GIANT HICKEY ON MY CHEEK. Yes, that is right. A hickey. On my cheek. I went to confront my boyfriend and he said: “I wanted to see if it would work, everyone thought it wouldn’t!” Well… it worked… and I had to tell my mom and teachers that I smacked my face off a table to avoid an awkward conversation.
If you know someone is about to go to work or school, or literally anything post-sex please, please, please do not cum in a girls hair! She will be incredibly annoyed because this quickly has now turned into an extra hour to get ready.
Also, at no point is it okay to give hickeys in visible places, literally never a single point in someone’s life is it suitable. Okay, maybe if you’re 90 because like who cares, but even still you know how judgy those women at the nursing home are. It is not sexy, it is not cute, just no!
When the sun goes down and the kinky in us comes out, we all desire to be memorable in bed. With all the do’s and don’ts in the bedroom, what are appropriate sex gifts? In my opinion, there is a difference between what is appropriate for each gender, as well as the preference of the person in that situation. Personally, love bites are exiting in the moment, however, when the lights come on, I do not want to look like a victim of a vacuum cleaner.
Along with love bites, there come scratch marks, I can guarantee most of the girls will not appreciate you scratching their back, no matter how hot you think it is when she does that to you. And lastly, know how to end the rodeo. Do not finish the play on her back, hair, face, or anywhere else without her agreeing to it. Please, use common sense and it will do you good.
My freshman year I woke up after one night of drinking entirely too much to someone that I didn’t know in my bed. After groggily kicking the unwanted guest out of my bed, I went to the bathroom and happened to see my neck. To put it mildly I was horrified. It looked like I had been beaten, when my best friend saw me later he said “it looks like you were hit point blank with a paintball gun. Okay, disclaimer I was a bit of a ho my freshman year, I’ve calmed down a bit now so you can stop judging. There was also the time when I didn’t realize/did try to cover up some very dark purple hickeys that I had when I went to work. I made it about halfway through my shift when my supervisor said, “Listen, I don’t mean to pry, but like, what’s with all of the hickeys?????”
Needless to say after I found my dignity I had a very needed conversation, with the guy I was hooking up with, as to what the t-shirt rule is. For those of you that may not know, it means that any “gifts” need to be placed where a t-shirt may cover them. It’s been something that I’ve been using for the past few years and it’s been working pretty swimmingly. Highly recommend. And when that doesn’t work, green concealer, foundation, and hairspray/setting spray.