Here’s the situation: your best guy friend is showing signs that he’s interested in you in a romantic way or even explicitly tells you how he feels. You don’t want to hurt him or lose his friendship but you just don’t feel that way. No matter how hard you try you can’t think of what to say to remedy the situation. If you find yourself in said situation:
1. The world is not going to erupt in a fiery inferno due to the massive influx of thoughts running through your mind.
2. You will probably stay friends with the guy.
3. This whole process is going to suck (but you probably already knew that).
The best way to understand someone is to try to see yourself in their shoes (enter me). I’ve been friendzoned on a few occasions and it always sucks every for both parties. If you’re currently in the situation described above, I have no doubt you have a lot on your mind so I’m going to make this as simple as possible.
DISCLAIMER: This guide is mainly for girls being pursued by a longtime guy-friend that interested in a romantic relationship (as opposed to trying to prevent acquaintances getting the wrong idea). In addition, although many men think in the same fashion, we are not all the same. This being said, everything written here should be taken with a grain of salt.
In the event of a friendzone…
1. Be Straight Forward
Be as honest as possible. No one likes playing a guessing game. Literally just tell him you aren’t interested in him in that way. It the most effective way and the least painful in my opinion. Now he absolutely knows he shouldn’t pursue you any further and he can begin trying to move on. Although it is rather blunt, its better than trying to drop hints that he may or may not pick up on. The whole guessing game of determining whether someone is interested in you or not is kind of taxing and very upsetting if the result is negative.
2. Private and In-Person
This conversation is probably going to be embarrassing and/or sad for him so do him a favor and talk to him in private. Also (unless absolutely necessary for whatever reason) friendzone him in person. No one likes being broken up with over text or phone call so no one definitely wants to be friendzoned over the same media.
3. Be Kind
This may be kind of obvious but its something to keep in mind. First and foremost the guy is your friend. If you want to keep him around you can’t be a jerk about it. Be considerate of his feelings.
4. Be aware that he may react negatively
Not everyone takes bad news well. If he gets upset, try to comfort him the best you can OR just give him space. He may not want to talk for a while and that’s okay too. Overall, try to understand what he needs to do to get through this.
5. Let him know you want to be friends but he needs to make the first move
You two have been best friends since the second grade and you don’t want him to disappear from your life. Understandable. Although, one of the worst things you can do after having the “I’m not into you” chat is crowding them to see if they’re okay. After you tell him you aren’t interested in him romantically, be sure to say that you want to keep being friends but he has to make the first move. By making him make the first instance of contact, it reassures that he wants to keep being friends.
6. Recognize that it might not work out
Your guy-friend could feel too strongly about you and he may not be able to stay friends with you. It’s sad but you’ll have to let him go. Just like he can’t force you to love him, you can’t force him to not love you.
Things NOT to say when friendzoning
There are a few words and phrases you should really try to avoid when friendzoning someone (in my opinion at least). These are just a few I could think of off the top of my head that really grind my gears:
1. You’re like a brother to me
Come on really? You’re going to use the most overused line in the book with your best guy-friend? I mean it gets the point across of how you feel but its very rough receiving that line you’ve heard from past experiences and from general use in movies, songs, and other things of that sort.
2. Awww buddy
Rub some salt in that wound why don’t ya? Nothing seems to sting more than to hear your crush call you “buddy”.
3. BUT
This word is a bit difficult to get around. You want to say how much you value them BUT not in the same fashion that they value you. The potency of its sting is second to pretty much just “buddy”. It’s often a necessary evil in this situation so be aware of it. If you do use the usual format of first stating how much you value them and then transition to the “not in that way” portion with a “but”, don’t pause after the “but”. Pausing during that time for the poor guy being friendzoned is like one of those bad dreams where something horrible is coming at you and for some reason, you can’t seem move or avoid it. He should know from the tone of your voice and from the overall situation where this is going.
What to expect afterward
What will most likely happen after all of this is there will be a period of time where things are little awkward, you’ll go back to normal, and the world won’t implode. If it doesn’t work out, it’s a shame but that’s life. Someone once told me that every failure is a learning experience (coincidentally she was telling me this in the midst of friendzoning me). Everything will most likely be fine, especially if you two are really close friends.