Ah, the struggle of partying as a sophomore. Not quite old enough to always have a guaranteed place to go on a Friday night, yet past the stage of aimlessly wandering around Eaton (haha freshmen!!), here’s an accurate timeline of a Friday night of an (below??) average sophomore at PC.
9:00- You wake up from your post dinner nap a little late to a MILLION texts in your group chat. Katie is already dressed (hardo), Debbie is debating on whether it’s a skirt or pants night, and Becky wants to borrow those new shoes you just bought (um, no). You text back saying that you’ll be ready soon.
9:30- Attempting to be ready by 10:00, you’ve already burned yourself on your straightener, sneezed while putting on mascara, and dropped your favorite bronzer on the floor, shattering it to pieces. It’s going to be a good night!
9:45- You begin to tear apart your closet in hopes of miraculously finding a cute outfit (SPOILER: you don’t). You try on several outfits, asking for your roommate’s opinions. You avoid crop tops at all cost due to your post-chicken parm from alum bloat going on.
10:30- You finally find the perfect (semi-acceptable) outfit, and check your texts. Apparently, everyone’s pissed at you for running late (expected, tbh). You gather up the squad and haul your butt to Suites from Aquinas, since you inevitably lost the housing lottery.
11:00- You’re now at a pregame you got invited to by creepy Jake from Spanish. Typical boy suite, decorated with a Barstool logo flag, a few PC banners, and of course you can’t forget the pong table. As he awkwardly hits on you, you down 5 spiked seltzers to make the conversation tolerable. You know no one here, and are catching strange vibes. Your squad pulls you aside and you skedaddle out of there.
11:30- You regroup in a friend’s suite and debate on what to do next. Sarah is tired and decides to call it a night extra early (she sucks) and now your down one person. Everyone agrees the next move is Eaton and you know a house that is throwing down.
12:00- About what feels like 30 seconds after you arrive, cops swarm outside (ugh, Eaton is just not what it used to be). As you step outside, you’re greeted by heavy rain (goodbye, perfect hair).
12:30- You make it your life mission to get to yuck truck since everything within the 100 mile radius is dead. At this point, you’re down to one friend.
12:45- You realize yuck truck isn’t there, because it’s raining so you have to settle for the Business School’s late-night window (actual TRAGEDY).
1:15- It takes you FOREVER and a day to get your chicken tenders with a side of ranch. It’s not a fat ranchero, but it will do.
1:30- You decided to eat your food in St. Joes (LOL) with a bunch of pals. You all talk about your (lame) nights and debate transferring.
2:00- You depart from Joe’s even more bloated than when you originally went out, lowkey feeling like you’re going to yak. You and your one friend who is left truck it back to AQ, thankfully a short distance away.
2:15- You slug through the hallway into your room and mix in a water before heading to bed. Because you’re the worst, you stumble around waking up your roommate in the process. Before you drift off, you pray to God for a fun Saturday. Hey, maybe you’ll get lucky and bounce back at the darty tomorrow.
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