*Content Warning: This article mentions child abuse, sexual abuse, eating disorders, and cancer*
Sam Puckett is a very different woman from Jennette McCurdy.
Jennette McCurdy’s memoir details her life as a child actor, growing up with her mother, recovering from her childhood in the shadow of her mother, and the pressures of Hollywood. She brings to light what is not talked about enough: an exploitive and harmful industry, abusive parents, and eating disorders.
For much of the book, McCurdy’s voice is childish to match the lack of maturity and understanding of herself she had at the time. One thing after another happens to her, and the naïveté she had at the time is effectively portrayed through this. At times it heartbreaking and difficult to listen to. Her writing is not attempting to be elegant, but it is honest through its rawness.
The Child Acting Industry
McCurdy details how she never wanted to be an actor. Making herself try to act like someone she wasn’t was something she was already experiencing. McCurdy also highlights the questionable lack of ethics in the child acting industry. From praising McCurdy for being able to cry on demand, to making her have her first kiss on screen, to wearing a bikini when she was uncomfortable. Growing up watching Nickelodeon, I looked to Sam as an older sister—as mature—and I was too young to question the things they were making a girl on the brink of adolescence do.
McCurdy also discusses the sexual abuse she suffered on set. By referring to Dan Schneider as “The Creator,” she creates an image of him as a looming, all-powerful presence who played God for everyone involved in his productions. Through both emotional and physical abuse, he wielded his power to get everyone to do what he wanted them to. While Schneider is just one individual, the pattern of men in Hollywood abusing their power is not new, although it can take a variety of different forms. Cue, McCurdy’s relationship with a 32 year-old crew member when she was 18.
McCurdy’s description of her family situation and the limited prospects for child actors further raises questions about the ethics of child acting, who makes their children act and for what reasons, and the extent to which the industry cares for their child actors—their employees—apart from monetary gain.
Mother
It is difficult to isolate McCurdy’s mother from any other aspect of her life. When present, her mother pervades her every choice, emotion, and behavior. When apart, and then deceased, the voice of her mother still inflicts itself upon McCurdy’s psyche.
McCurdy’s mother was the reason McCurdy began and continued acting. Her mother never got the chance to have the fame she desired, thus she sought to achieve her dream through McCurdy.
McCurdy’s mother taught her what calorie restriction was and enforced it for her. She molested McCurdy and her siblings in her shower “exams.”
McCurdy’s mother was also her best and only friend up until meeting Miranda Cosgrove. McCurdy and her siblings were homeschooled and thus had very little reprieve from their dismal home life.
When McCurdy’s was 2 her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Since then, her mother had always used her cancer as a tool for sympathy and to get things out of people, especially McCurdy. When McCurdy was in her early 20s, the cancer returned. As her mother declines and eventually passes, McCurdy begins to live more independently. McCurdy does not begin to heal immediately after her mother dies.
Eating Disorder
As the memoir continues to unfold, McCurdy trajectory is very difficult to stomach. After the passing of her mother, McCurdy develops a dependency on alcohol and suffers from bulimia, despite her past with anorexia. Fortunately, she meets a new man who insisted she go to therapy. It is then that she slowly begins to address the layers of trauma she has put away for years. While, McCurdy’s recovery is not linear, and she still must undergo many more hurdles, she ends her memoir on a positive note. She has been able to manage her eating disorder, and she states the voice in her head, while still there, is something that gets easier to live with as time goes on.
However, perhaps most triumphantly, McCurdy comes to the realization she is glad her mother died. If not, she predicts she would still be deeply unwell. Such a statement indicates that McCurdy has been able to finally accept the truth about the woman her mother was. Such a process is relevant not just to relationships with parents but to all relationships. In an abusive relationship, we often make justifications for the actions of those who hurt us. We cannot distinguish what our rights are and forget what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Sadly, this is even more difficult when the abusers are the parents.
McCurdy in her honest recounting of abuse, however, shows that healing is possible. Hopefully her book increases awareness about these issues while also speaking to those who also suffer from similar experiences.
Rhode Island Department of Children, Youth, and Families: (401) 528-3500
RI Report Child Abuse or Neglect: 1-800-RI-CHILD (1-800-742-4453)
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673
National Eating Disorder Association Helpline: (800) 931-2237