Image Found on Strawberry Posh. All other images are personal screenshots.
My friends are quite unlikely to call me the romantic. Although I am one of the few (read: very few) people that actually thinks that the Bachelor/Bachelorette couplings will work out, romantic movies often make me sick. Even romantic commercials elicit an eye-roll. Like seriously, it takes some hardcore willpower for me to not throw Cheetos at the screen whenever a Match.com commercial is on. As beautiful as the idea of love is, to me, it is simply an idea. So you can probably tell by now that I have never been in love…not even close.
My loveless life led me to question how individuals could find love online if love could not be found in reality? You can’t sense chemistry online. You can’t pick up on sarcasm, see gestures, or anything of that nature on a dating site. Of course, I had to voice my extreme doubt of Match.com, OkCupid, and DateMySchool (whose posters are all over campus). Of course, my friend suggested that I conduct an online dating experiment and here I am, ready to chronicle my summer experiences and answer the question: can one find love online? Or better said, is there an algorithm for love?
Following my avid reading of blogs focused on the blog owners’ online dating experimentation, I ruled out all dating sites besides DateMySchool. It only took the #truestory of a married man, who was apparently in a loveless marriage, seeking a young woman to reopen his heart for me to decide that OkCupid albeit popular was not going to work out. Instead, I spent my summer exploring Date My School, a much smaller network with a smaller scope (college and graduate students). Since we are collegiettes™, I figured that DateMySchool (DMS) would be the perfect fit for my experiment.
DateMySchool was founded at Columbia University by Balazs Alexa and Jean Meyer in November 2010. DMS soon went to New York University in February of 2011 and has since then become the virtual platform for the platform. Greg Jacobs, a member of the DMS project, has gotten in touch with us to give us the gist of DMS. DMS “is a dating website, made by (now former) students, for students.”
“One thing is clear,” Greg states. “DateMySchool has a niche. While Facebook has all the people you trust and know, and other dating websites, say a Match or an OKCupid, have all the people you don’t know, DateMySchool has the people you don’t know but automatically trust. That is because they went to the same school, paid the same tuition, and have the same academic goals as you. It has a sense of security that most dating websites, which filter people by their zip codes, can never have. This allows our users to feel comfortable and confident about meeting people on the internet.”
Since DMS’s launch, DMS has expanded to 350 schools, opening the dating platform to a populace of 5,000,000 college students and recent alumni. CNN, The New York Times, NBC, and Time Out have featured DMS and now Her Campus Princeton is doing the same. However, our review is not solely about DMS’s interface or the usability. Our review is an insider’s look at the DMS dating scene.
About Date My School
For all of you not familiar with Date My School here is the run-down:
1. In order to join, you must possess an .edu e-mail address.
2. As you edit your profile, you can choose to restrict your profile based on schools (inside of your hub—state—or outside of your hub) or age (definitely comes in handy!).
3. Views are self-explanatory. If someone is interested in learning more about you, they view your profile (often times this is the end of the ‘romance.’)
4. Likes are also quite obvious. If someone likes your profile, they ‘like’ you. Often times, DMS users like a profile and call it a day. I’m sorry, but I think follow up is quite necessary.
5. Faves. This is obvious enough. The difference between a ‘like’ and a ‘fave’ is that when you save someone to your ‘faves,’ you are notified when they come online (but only when you are online as well). In short, the ‘faves’ feature is sketch.
6. The main page of DMS has a feed for user statuses. A female seeking a male can only see the statuses (and profiles) for males. The opposite is the case for straight males. Only individuals interested in dating a female and/or male can see the statuses of both genders.
Here is the first of many DMS Screenshots:
7. DMS makes match ‘suggestions’ that are visible on the main page. More suggestiosn are granted to those who provide more information in their profiles. I did read in an article that DMS wouldn’t suggest matches, but obviously this has changed; I have to mention that my matches did not turn out to be real winners for me, but I’m sure that some have had better luck with the match system than I.
8. DMS has a Q & A archive with questions that are funny, awkward, insightful, and some entirely inappropriate. You can see another user’s answers when you check out their profile (it’s a great way to see whether or not your are compatible before you invest the 10 seconds in writing a message or sending an IM).
My answer is quite obvious. Don’t we all love “Rocky Raccoon”?
Like I said before, some of these questions are ridiculous. However, the questions (regardless of how off-base they may seem) are a nice resource when going through profiles. The DMS comparison of answers is definitely my favorite feature.
We obviously have “so much” in common should get married…immediately.
9. DMS allows for messaging and instant messaging–IMing is the more common form of communication on DMS. IM is allowed for a 60 minute block of time. However, there isn’t a sound notification so it’s quite easy to miss messages (which works to your advantage if you really aren’t in the mood to talk to anyone). The only bone I have to pick is that DMS doens’t allow for users to change their IM availability from online to away or unavaible.
My Experience
On to more important things like my profile. I hate to admit that I actually put effort into my profile, but for the sake of the experiment, I actually filled in the ‘about me’ section (surprising, I know). I found that by not having a profile description or profile picture (thanks webcam!–a webcam picture proves that I’m too cool to care about DMS) resulted in little to no interest.
Above is the profile blurb that other DMSers are able to see (along with my swanky webcam picture). If compelled by the short preview, DMSers can view my profile that is full of snark and honesty (the typical Ajibike way). As you can see, DMS won’t regard me as a college sophomore, but that’s only a minor greviance. You can also see that my username is “experiment” for obvious reasons. This username is elicited major controversy. I kid, I kid:
Profiles are made up of the following sections:
1. General Description
2. What I am Interested in
3. What I Like to do in my Spare Time
4. Things I Like such as Movies, Books, Television Shows, Music, Pets, Streets, and Etc.
Streets? Yeah, I questioned that too. Obviously I can’t date anyone who does not love L’Avenue des Champs Elysées as much as I love that Parisian avenue.
5. Things I DON’T Like such as Politicians, Assignments, Etc.
6. Please write me (or not) if…
7. I’m Looking for…
I’ll be honest; I wasn’t sure what I was looking for online. So, I responded to every message sent my way. I’ll share a few of my online dating experiences and then conclude with my opinion of online dating.
Can We Have Coffee Sometime:Kash • 27 • Columbia University • Graduate School of Arts and Sciences
Kash messaged me, for the first time, with “wow.” Of course that elicited no response. How does one respond to “wow” and I’m not prone to respond to individuals who have obviously not seen my profile (I mean, you guys still have to put in some effort). This was soon followed up: “You’re 5’9? You must look so tall!”
I’ll admit that compliments, often, sway me and so I responded. Kash was nice, and I say fully aware that you’re probably wondering how I can gauge how I can tell whether or not a guy is nice via the internet. It’s hard enough to be certain whether a guy is nice in person. However, it’s really easy for guys to come off as skeeves on the internet. Once a guy passes my “not-a-skeeve” test, he is automatically a nice guy. A nice guy online will:
1. compliment you, but not in an obscene of overtly sexual manner
2. engage in the frivolous small talk
3. work his up to asking you out.
One: Check.
Two: Small talk was a definite check. However, Kash mentioned that he was an organic chemistry god. I think that was supposed to be impressive but it just came off as annoying.
Three: “Can We Have Coffee Sometime?” Doesn’t that sound normal, like an offline conversations? Ladies, isn’t that what we want to hear?
So yes, Kash is nice, and I did mention that we should stay in contact but I’ll be honest, I really have no intention to do so. Before anyone makes a comment that “nice guys never win” or that “girls aren’t into nice guys” or anything of the same vein, Kash didn’t catch my interest. Also, I doubt that I’ll ever feel like traveling to New York City for coffee #sorryimnotsorry. I rarely even make the trek to Nassau Street for coffee. Kash, it’s nothing personal. I just don’t like coffee (that was also in my profile).
Best Case Scenario: Friends
E-Pals: Brownie • 21 • Johns Hopkins University • Krieger School of Arts and Sciences
Not having a profile picture on an online dating site is almost as stupid as wearing a mask on the Bachelorette (see: love lesson number three). It is extremely hard to take someone seriously when their blurb proclaims that they want to make a lot of babies and read on the beach. How impractical! You’d think a guy from Johns Hopkins would realize that you can’t have a lot of kids and still have time to relax, let alone read for pleasure, on the beach. You’d need to have nanny. Entirely illogical.
Regardless, Brownie, messaged me and mid-conversation about academics and our career plans (a very common topic as I have found), he saved me as a favorite. I’ve already mentioned that the ‘favoriting’ option on DMS makes me extremely uncomfortable. Let me reiterate: saving someone as your favorite shows to that person that you are interested in stalking their online presence.
Brownie told me about his family strains (definitely too much too soon), and that made things extremely awkward. An online dating website is not the place to bare your soul, especially to a stranger. Choking from the awkwardness that only I could sense, I bid farewell and was given his e-mail address. If you are wondering, I have not yet e-mailed “brownie” (in my defense, I definitely lost his e-mail).
Does that seem extremely desperate or do most college guys throw around their money?
Note: DMS had an awesome upgrade — which I came to enjoy towards the end of my experiment — in which it’s possible to block all users without a profile image #thankgoodness.
Best Case Scenario: Therapist – Patient Relationship
The Proposition: RUNX14 • 20 • Depaul • College of Liberal Arts & Sciences
Interesting fact, RUNXC14 looks like one the guys from my high school who was generally though to be attractive. We won’t get into my opinions on that matter, but RUNX14 and I had a short but interesting conversation. Don’t worry collegiettes™, I have it below!
Sexting? Pass.
Best Case Scenario: N/A
Repeat Offender: SD33191 • 20 • Stanford • School of Engineering
Need I say more? However, SD33191 mentioned that DMS girls are absolutely crazy. Apparently one girl (in the midst of a blow job) used teeth. Definitely interesting stories. SD33191 and I definitely chatted pretty regularly, and from what I know he seems like a pretty cool guy.
Best Case Scenario: Friends
My Conclusion
Italiankid400 asks the most important question.
I think the answer is yes. Sure, I didn’t fall head over heels in love with anyone in my experiment, but I did ‘meet’ a slew of quality guys. Celebrities have shown us time after time that even relationships built on chemistry and stunning good looks can, and often will, fall apart. It is easy with online dating to have a serious conversation, to really get to know someone–without physical distractions–in a quick way. In fact, social networking sites, such as DMS (it seems to be more of a SNS than a complete dating website), allow for a variety of relationships to be made. Friendships, relationships, and corporate connections are made on DMS all the time. In fact, a lovely guy on DMS was giving advice about online stock trading (advice I clearly need!).
On my DMS adventure, I realized that:
1. I’m apparently attractive to a variety of guys (ages + races + religious), which was interesting for sure. That information was probably the most valuable that I obtained on this journey.
2. Melaku is a really talented singer (yes, we talked on DMS).
3. NYU and Columbia are full of extremely attractive guys (on DMS).
4. A bevy of introduction messages in your DMS inbox can make any day instantly better #selfesteemboost.
5. I don’t think that there is a grey area to “Ying Yang” (answer to a DMS question).
People argue that if you want to meet someone in college, step outside your building and look around. We have to admit that once we make our friend circles, we become complacent with our relationships. We expect to meet guys (to date) through our friends and guys (to hook up with) by way of the eating clubs. DMS certainly can facilitate a meeting between yourself and a guy who could end up being your friend, organic chemistry tutor, or future solemate.
In short, don’t knock it until you try it. Who knows you may find something new about yourself, or you may find the love of your life.
So collegiettes™ and collegents, are you going to give DateMySchool a try? Have you already tried DateMySchool? What do you think of college online dating? Let me know what you’re thinking in the lonely comment box below.
Sources: Greg Jacobs of Date My School (other citations are linked in the article)