So I sit down to write this article and switch on the TV. What better movie could be on than “40 Days and 40 Nights.” For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, I’ll sum it up for you: guy loses girl, guy takes vow of celibacy, guy meets new girl, and vow of celibacy gets ridiculously hard (as you can imagine!). The main character, played by the beautiful Josh Hartnett (well in his prime I might add, heeeello!), can have no sexual contact of any kind with a woman for the duration of Lent. The vow goes as far as denying him the ability to relieve all of his pent up sexual frustrations himself (yikes!). Throughout the movie, he struggles with this last little tidbit. Everyone is cheering him on and telling him to just go masturbate and all his problems will go away.
While watching the movie, it hit me, all over media and even in daily life, it’s expected that men are either having sex, or are masturbating, and that’s acceptable. Women on the other hand aren’t quite seen in the same light. Now don’t get me wrong, this article is not about to go on a rant stressing all of the inequality and double standards that exist between men and women. But think about it, how often is female masturbation depicted, other than in porn? How often is it talked about and just how much is it accepted?
Growing up, behaving like a “lady” was always stressed in my house. “Don’t spit! You are not a little boy!” “don’t play with the boys, they’re too rough,” and the all too famous “sit with your legs crossed, like a lady” were all common phrases flung at my sister and I as we were growing up. But these phrases were just lessons passed down to my mom from her mom and so on. We’re taught that one day, one special guy will come into our lives, sweep us off our feet, and only then, are we to give him the key to our special place down there.
But what if the guy never comes, or if he’s running late in coming into your life, or if he’s just plain awful at giving you that feeling that leaves tingles lingering all over your body? Are we just supposed to settle and forfeit those amazing toe-curling sensations? My advice: Hell no! Do it yourself! I’m sure you can hit that special ‘O’ button way more often than anyone else could!
But simply saying that you should go at it alone isn’t as easy as doing it AND feeling comfortable with it. Today, our culture and our generation have been deemed “oversexed,” “over-heated” and every overtly over the top thing you can imagine. But how can we be all of that if we aren’t willing to explore our bodies sexually, and all on our own? Trust me, you don’t need a man for everything! Ladies, masturbation is not singular to the male sex! Just because we were raised to be “lady-like” doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time between the sheets when a guy isn’t there. Speaking of them, what do they think about the topic? After asking a few guys, the overwhelming consensus was simply: “I don’t really think about girls masturbating. It just doesn’t really occur to me. I don’t really care about it.” In regards to what society teaches us, one guy said, “I feel like male masturbation may come up more in society like in movies like There’s Something About Mary. He (Ben Stiller’s character) jacks off in that movie but I’ve never seen a movie where they show women in that way.”
Masturbation is an expression of sexuality, and guess what? It feels GREAT! “Spankin’ the monkey,” “buck the slobbering donkey” “jerk the gherkin,” “polish the pearl,” call it whatever you need to call it to shake the feeling of shame or embarrassment, because, ladies I mean it, it is the best feeling of satisfaction that you can give yourself. One girl said “masturbating and sexual intercourse is how someone learns to express themselves and find some release in coming into their own as a sexual adult and reach sexual maturity. When you reach that sexual maturity, you feel sexy, and you can turn others on and you have more confidence!” And I couldn’t agree more! When you realize what makes you reach that warm, full body tingling, toe curling, back arching feeling of an orgasm, you can more easily direct future partners in how to please you best. Out of all the girls around campus that I interviewed, the majority of them have said that they have reached an orgasm more often alone than with their boyfriend, partner or random hook-up (hmm, I guess we have some teaching to do!). And if you’re too shy about touching yourself between your other set of lips, then fear not! There are toys for that!
So between studying, volunteering, classes, and everything in between, how are you going to manage finding the right toy for you? Don’t worry, I’ve taken care of that too and found some research on the best toys on the market right now. Fear not my lovely ladies, if you order them online, they are delivered to you in plain brown boxes with no hint as to what awaits you inside. So your nosy neighbor or the people in the mailroom in Towers won’t have any inclination of your purchase.
Anywho, on to the good stuff: For the beginner, many sex blogs and reviews have recommended purchasing a bullet vibrator since they have multiple speeds, strengths, lengths and widths. So even for those virgins who think they can’t use a sex toy, you have options! For the timid, the Lipstick Vibe (which has been reproduced by many companies) may be a great choice. It literally looks like an average stick of lipstick (as long as someone else doesn’t try to use it haha)! You get some intense sensations, discreet packaging, and a rockin’ good time ;) For the adventurous, who are down for something fun and ‘O’ so amazing (pun definitely intended) you should go for vibes like the infamous “rabbit” which allows for vibrating and spinning vaginal penetration as well as clitoral stimulation. From the reviews, I don’t think it’ll be a waste of money! And here’s something that some readers may not have heard of: The butterfly is newer to the world of sex toys. It allows for vaginal penetration, clitoral stimulation AND it’s something you can wear underneath your clothes! Try that out and see how far you get without going unnoticed, or stay at home and do some chores until you are rocked into an orgasm. I dare you (haha)!
So ladies, don’t be afraid to test out what you like sexually, all by yourself. It’s how you figure out what you like when it comes to sex. Don’t just limit yourself to whatever your partner wants to try. You ‘polish that pearl’ until you get it right! The big, bold, and exciting world of sex can open up for you and it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
In just a few words, female masturbation is “controlling your own needs,” “equal and liberating,” “it’s natural,” and “necessary, liberating, and fun!!” as a few girls tell it. One friend put it like this, “literally if everyone were robots and there was a button to push that would make you happy, then why wouldn’t you?!” In simple terms, if societal pressures didn’t matter, wouldn’t you embrace your sexuality rather than run from it? If you need some encouragement, listen to this song beforehand and take the lyrics into account!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB5G4FeIr7E
Until next time my lovelies,
Nahja xxxx
For further “research” here are some links into the world of vibrators and sex toys:
The rabbit: http://www.spicygear.com/vibrators/jack-rabbit-vibrators/
The bullet: http://www.adameve.com/sp-adam-eve-vibrating-silver-bullet-76563.aspx (sold by adam and eve)
The butterfly http://www.tootimid.com/erotic-butterfly-vibrator.html/
The Lipstick Vibe (sold at various websites and at different prices): http://www.goodvibes.com/display_product.jhtml?id=1-2-AJ-1119