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When He Tries to Cheat on Her with You

Almost everyone knows that being cheated on comes with a huge psychological impact. You may find yourself thinking, What didn’t I do for them? Why wasn’t I good enough? And possibly the largest one: Why should I believe this won’t happen again with someone else?

Knowing how much this affects someone, we at Her Campus Pitt were wondering what our duties are to our fellow women when their boyfriends try to cheat on them with us. The following are questions from someone who recently experienced this firsthand and our answers and advice.


Q: Is there ANY way I can just stay out of this? I DID NOT ASK TO BE A PART OF THIS NARATIVE.


A: It all depends. Is he a friend? Is he an acquaintance? Someone who is hitting on you at a party? It’s really hard, especially when you probably didn’t know he had a girlfriend in the first place. There are moments of guilt if you find out after you flirted back. Bottom line, say “hey I don’t think it’s fair to your girlfriend if you are flirting with me. We shouldn’t talk anymore.” It’s not personal. There’s no hard feelings and it sucks, but if he’s willing to cheat then he’s not someone you want in your life.


Q: If I don’t have documented proof, but only vaguely odd screen shot messages where he complains about his girlfriend to me and asks me to “come over,” how do I come forward?


A: Do you know his girlfriend? If you don’t know her, but know one of her friends then I would address it to them, or ask if you can speak to her. If it is someone you know, then sit down and explain the whole situation to her. She might get mad at you depending on all that happened. However, you are doing the right thing! Please make sure you know that throughout the process.


Q: Is it ever appropriate to just send the screenshots of a conversation to the girlfriend?


A: I honestly would show them to her in person unless she lives in another state or town. Put yourself in her shoes: Would you like to find out your boyfriend is attempting to cheat on you via text messages? Or in person?


Q: If I confronted them about it, and they denied everything and said that they were drunk, what do you do?


A: As girls, we should look out for each other. It can be tough when you actually know what happened. Evidence (text messages, screenshotted snapchats, etc.) will definitely help. But if not, and she wants to believe him, then you can’t really fight it. Just extricate yourself from the situation knowing you were honest and up front about everything.


Q: Do I have more or less responsibility to report cheating if I know he has cheated before? Maybe less because the girl already knows he’s like this? Maybe more because two strikes you’re out?


A: I feel so strongly about this! The guy who hit on me is known for being a serial cheater. And I met his girlfriend! I wonder if she knows what’s going on? I think you should still say something. You can only give her the entire story, and what she chooses to do with it is up to her.


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Junior Economics and Chinese major at Pitt! I am Fundraising chair for our fantastic Pink Level Chapter that was voted "Most Philanthropic" last year. Since I love volunteering and organizing people to help our Pittsburgh community, getting HC members into fun, innovative ways to build this community is my job. We also have fundraisers for both ourselves and our charity partner She's the First. To find out more about their amazing work check out https://www.shesthefirst.org/Look out for our HC Night Out tickets this October! Inquiries: [email protected]
Attending the University of Pittsburgh and just choosing to be happy every single day! :)
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