I was always taught growing up that it is the man’s responsibility to take the initiative. If he wants a girl, he’ll go after her. And I still do mostly believe in those guidelines, yet I can’t ignore the frustration of waiting for a guy to ask me out or even just notice I even exist. Maybe what I was taught is a generational product of how the dating world used to work, but times are changing. It’s now more socially acceptable for women to step up their “game” and approach men. But despite these cultural changes the same questions remain, when should you and when should you not make the first move? While there is no clear cut answer, because everyone’s situations are different, here is some general advice I’ve compiled to help ladies everywhere trying to snag a man.
According to relationships guru, it may be okay to make the first move because “Females have the power to decide for themselves too. They should have to power to decide who they want as a partner and not be only left with admirers to choose from.” Many girls have been in this position of having many guys interested, but none match up to what she wants. Why should we settle when we could take a risk and possible end up with what we want?
If you’re someone that’s tired of waiting around it may be good to take matters into your own hands. The guru also says that guys may not be willing to make the first move because they think you are out of their reach, may have been hurt before and fear rejection, or is just down-right oblivious. I find that the latter is the case in most situations. Perhaps stepping up and making your existence known would give guys the green light that you are interested, then it’s up to them to pursue it.
I think the first move can be anything from a conversation to asking for a number or to hang out. It’s up to you to gauge what will be appropriate for your situation and the guy you want to pursue.
However, like with any relationship there are precautions. If you feel courageous enough to make the first move of any type you need to consider the chance of being rejected. Guys go through it all the time and girls will not be exempt. It would be a shame to pass up on a good guy just because he is shy, but if you’re the kind of girl that likes the “take-initiative” type men, perhaps the guy for you should be the one to make the first move. Also, take hints from the guy before taking action. If it’s been a couple months and he hasn’t done more then ask for a piece of gum in class, then maybe it’s time to move on to a different endeavor.
According to “How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World” by Jordan Christy, women should follow nature’s way of letting the man be the ones going after women. But she says there are ways to get him to notice you, including having mystery. She warns not to be too accessible. Here’s a list of things she urges women NOT to do when pursuing a guy:
• Text them excessively ( I like to follow the whole ‘one text’ response method where you are allowed one text, but wait until a response to send a second text)
• Reveal too much info on social network sites such as “OMG I wish I had a boyfriend, WAH”
• Randomly happen to be at his hangouts, classes, favorite urinal – all the time
Those are just a few, but you get the point. I think a good balance of simply letting a guy know you exist and stalking him is self-explanatory. I think a simple number exchange or conversation isn’t too much to do on a woman’s part. If a guy is interested, he will respond accordingly. How open you want to leave the door, is up to you.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32419858/ns/today-books/t/snag-man-let-him-do-chasing/ http://www.relationshipsguru.com/