As I sit down to write this article I receive a text message from a friend complaining that her boyfriend is flirting with another girl right in front of her at the bar. Ironic, right? But seriously, why do guys do it, why do they cheat or chat up another girl in more than a friendly way? Some of these guys already have an ideal situation set up right in front of their eyes. Attractive girl, likes to have fun, friends with his friends, great sex, and occasionally buys him gifts for his birthday or some other holiday that forces us to do this. Yet, this guy will go to a bar, find a girl who is most likely LESS attractive than their current partner and ruin the relationship he has created over a moment of pure insanity. I decided to ask a few guys on Pitt’s campus their opinions, why THEY cheated and would they ever consider doing it again.
During some point in our lives we learn that cheating on a spouse or just the person you are dating is wrong. All over college campuses we see people hooking up. It is such a common thing, especially here at Pitt. But, when it crosses the line into someone else’s relationship, that is where the problem lies. Yet, a lot of girls like to believe their boyfriend is different than these over-sexualized, horny men, and that they have changed their boyfriends from his old cheating ways. But have we? From my own experience, guys will do whatever they want to do no matter what. The most common answer I found from guys around campus was that they wanted a change of pace. They were bored. It was not out of love for someone else it was out of lust. One guy confesses, “Part of me did it because the other girl was willing to do things that the girlfriend wouldn’t, like anal. With the girlfriend, it gets a little ordinary. The passion with the girlfriend disappears to next to nothing while it’s always there with the other girl.” Another guy admits, “It is something along the lines of being bored and wanting to experiment with something new.” So, instead of communicating and trying to talk things out, these guys will go ahead and cheat. If they get caught, oh well, if they do not, it shows that they “still got it.” What a genius way of thinking…
So if guys are not bored, why else do they cheat? Because we are in college we must take into account the factor of alcohol. I can think of one specific guy who is a completely different person when he is intoxicated. Soberly, he has the right intensions; he’s not a bad guy. But, when drunk, all hell breaks loose. These guys that cheat when they are drunk don’t necessarily think their actions will have consequences at the time. In that moment, they are only thinking with what is on the inside of their pants and not with their heads. One guy confesses that being drunk is not an excuse but it is one the easiest ways for cheating to occur. “Well, I didn’t really cheat voluntarily. I was pretty drunk every time, but that’s not an excuse. But I don’t know, most guys don’t do it on purpose.”
Cheating also poses a risk for guys, which is a huge thrill factor. It is that challenge that drives their desire for other girls. One guy admits, “It lets me feel good about myself. It shows me girls still think I’m sexy. It may not be morally right but a big reason why I do it is because I can.” And honestly, this is the reality of it. Girls become so obsessed with their guys that they will do anything for them. The guy does not have to lift a finger. Girls will run to their men the second they call. Girls will always be available. They will respond in a minute to a guy’s text message when it has taken the guy a half hour to respond to hers. It is truly a game. The challenge factor dissipates. Guys in relationships know that when they go home they can have sex and go to bed without any effort. But, who would ever want that? Guys think they need the risk and challenge in order keep up this idea of masculinity and male prowess.
One of the other huge ideas that was common with the male population at Pitt was this idea of normalcy. One guy says, “Guys cheat because something is lacking in their current relationship. It is human nature to want to familiarize yourself with one person and stay with them. You feel comfortable and its fun. But, after a while maybe communication is lacking, or some aspect of the relationship has faded and this is why we cheat. When we cheat it fulfills whatever is missing yet we don’t want to end the current relationship because it’s familiar and normal.”
Looking at what this guy said makes me wonder, how any aspect of a relationship starts to lack. Was there a specific point or was it when the guy realized there were other girls in the world that wanted to have sex with him?
After making all of these guys cringe at my questioning, I posed the question of doing it again. Most guys that have cheated and have not gotten caught said they would one hundred percent do it again. Other guys who have been caught are a little different. “Guys don’t cheat just because, unless they are skunk bags. It’s just something that happens and you don’t realize it until you are too late.” Too late in the way that they will never be able to get what they lost back, no matter how good it was. After talking to all of these guys, I think they all deep down realize cheating is not something they should be proud of, hence the reason why none of them wanted their names in this article. So, you have heard it from the horse’s mouth and ladies, do we forgive them? Can we still have some faith in the male college population to do the right thing, to be that good guy that stands apart from the cheating ways of their friends? It is an optimistic outlook because as the saying goes, once a cheater, always a cheater.