As I browsed through my twitter page at my internship, I discovered that it was “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.” I feel like this is a very sensitive topic and to get extremely personal, it means a lot to me.
I am not one to share my life too openly with others, but I feel the message to come out of this is a vital one, and one that I hope gets through to many girls in similar situations.
Many people associate “abusive” relationships with hitting, punching, and other physical wrongdoings. Especially with songs such as “Love the Way You Lie” and news coverage of the Rihanna and Chris Brown fiasco, it isn’t too difficult to spot a physically abusive relationship. As soon as harmful physical contact occurs, it’s time to throw the towel in on that relationship. But sometimes the physical abuse can be subtle. It can range from shoving to grabbing or just plain getting in your face.
Many young girls do not know that abuse can also happen in a variety of other ways. There is physical abuse and emotional abuse. The emotional abuse is mental and happens when a person puts you down or calls you names.
I was a victim of an emotional abusive relationship.
I never saw myself as someone who would be “weak” enough to let someone walk all over them, who does? I have learned through my experiences that mental abuse happens over a period of time. The abuser pulls you in just enough to where it is hard for you to let go. That’s what happened to me. I cared more about the person who I was with than I respected myself.
It is important for girls to realize that they are not alone if they are going through a similar situation. When you care about someone, many times you have hope that they will change, while other times you feel you can “fix them.” Sometimes, as much as you care for someone the only person that can fix a person is themselves. If a relationship is unbalanced and you are giving way more than you are receiving, your relationship is co-dependent. That’s basically a big word for unfair.
A relationship should be balanced where each person gives and takes equal amounts of support and love. One person should not dominate the other or have control of another. A lot of times, the abuser has their own insecurities that they take out on their victims. If a person truly cared about you, putting you down would never be okay.
Abusive relationships often happen in cycles. An incident occurs, but the abuser asks for forgives or makes promises to “be better next time” or to “not do it again.” I fell for these empty promises and gave one too many chances. It took a large incident for me to realize enough is enough and that I don’t deserve to be treated or talked to in a negative manner. I told myself I would never let anybody speak that way to me again.
It’s hard to let go of someone who we love. Trust me, I know how hard it can be to accept that the person you care about needs help. A person who loves you, respects you. A person does not treat their significant other with respect should not be in a relationship. The faster you realize that the relationship is unhealthy, the faster you will be able to break away and begin a new chapter.
I’m starting my chapter now, and I want all girls out there who feel trapped to know that it is never to late to start again. There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you like a princess and who will never ever put you down. Victims of a mentally abusive relationship are often made to believe that they are not good enough, for anything, or anybody. The important thing to do is to break away from the negativity. Once you do that, you can start healing, and staying positive. One way to do that is give yourself positive affirmations everyday such as “I’m a good person, I’m worthwhile, or I’m beautiful.”
Seek out your friends and family and open up to them about what you’ve been going through. My mom and close friends are my support system and they keep me strong. They keep me thinking positively and on a healthy track, steering me away from falling into the abusive cycle again. Taking steps to make yourself happy will enable you to have happy healthy relationships in the future, and spot out unhealthy ones early on.
Love is Respect.
Love is Not Abuse.
For more information on abusive relationships see the links below or visit your nearest health/counseling center:
http://www.seventeen.com/fun/ann/stop-dating-violence
http://counseling.uoregon.edu/dnn/SelfhelpResources/SexualAssaultSexualAbuse/AbusiveRelationships/tabid/388/Default.aspx
http://www.counseling.pitt.edu/
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Pitt chapter.