It has been a year and three weeks since I received my third concussion. Last September, through my injury, my whole life changed in unimaginable ways.
As Visual Editor for the Pitt News at the time, I had the option to take photos of events when I wanted to. Hence, I decided to take photos of the football game against Oklahoma State on September 16, 2017 on Heinz Field. Within a few minutes after halftime, crouching next to the sidelines, trying to take the best shots, I see through my lens a Pitt player and an Oklahoma player running in my direction. Moments later, I was tackled to the ground.
On top of being forced to go to a low-quality worker’s compensation doctor that was detrimental rather than helpful, I was extremely in denial about my symptoms afterwards. I was very sensitive to light and sound, had excruciating headaches and experienced short-term memory loss. I procrastinated, couldn’t concentrate and became irritable.
I pretended as if everything was okay. I went back to work two weeks after my injury, never missed a day of class and did all of my homework. Additionally, I took my exams only three weeks after the normal test date and continued to go to multiples parties a weekend.
Little did I know that my denial would only hurt me. By the end of the fall semester, I had fallen into a deep depression that lasted until this summer. The thought of leaving my bed both upset and terrified me. I was upset that I had to do work and terrified because I knew it wasn’t normal to feel that way. The following semester, I became desensitized with my life and the outside world. I almost left school multiple times to stay at home for an indefinite amount of time.
Like everyone else, I yearned to feel “normal,” stable, content and in control of my life.
With the help of my professors, friends and the disability resource center, I managed to stay active in clubs, do well in school and physically feel better as the spring semester unraveled. However, I still felt “off.” When I finished final exams and returned home at the end of April, I was barely functional. I slept a majority of my time, was sensitive to light, experienced constant headaches, had some short-term memory loss and felt a rollercoaster of intense emotions. From depression to anxiety, I was unable to control my thoughts. My symptoms greatly increased when I began working at my internship. So, I scheduled an appointment with a concussion specialist.
At the appointment, I learned that I have Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS). I was shocked and disheartened. I believed that enough time had passed where I would be okay, but I wasn’t. But it was a necessary reality check; I had not taken care of myself AT ALL.
According to “Health Line,” Post-Concussion Syndrome “refers to the lingering symptoms following a concussion or a mild traumatic brain injury (TBI)…This condition is typically diagnosed when a person who has recently suffered a head injury continues to feel certain symptoms following a concussion… PCS usually goes away within three months, but there have been cases that have lasted a year or longer…A doctor may diagnose post-concussion syndrome after a TBI by the presence of at least three of the following symptoms:”
1. Headache
2. Dizziness
3. Vertigo
4. Fatigue
5. Memory problems
6. Trouble concentrating
7. Sleeping problems
8. Insomnia
9. Restlessness
10. Irritability
11. Apathy
This past summer, I began to take care of myself. I did eye, balance, and mental therapy multiple times a week. I also began to run long distance again, an activity that I have adored since 2013.
Overall, it was difficult at first. After eye and balance therapy, I felt physically ill and exhausted. My physical therapist told me this is a common feeling. However, within a few weeks, I began to see results. In addition, my mental health improved immensely. My skin began to glow again, I began to smile more, and my quirky personality returned. (My mom mentioned these things to me at the end of the summer as I departed to Pittsburgh for the third time.) Currently, I have relapsed a little bit. Some symptoms have worsened. For example, I have constant headaches, experience short-term memory loss, struggle to concentrate and have depression. But this is understandable because I haven’t been consistent with my eye and balance therapy. I have little motivation to do it because it makes me feel physically awful, and I need to feel strong to keep up with my busy schedule. On the contrary, I understand its extreme importance and have tried to keep a constant schedule.
Some argue that I should be completely dedicated to taking care of myself and ignoring my environment. However, as previously mentioned, I want to live a normal college life. I worked extremely hard to be where I am today, and I don’t want to miss out on anything. From hanging out with friends, to going to football games, to doing a plethora of clubs, I want to feel like a normal college student. Hence, every day is a battle between balancing self-care and entertainment. As I continue to live with PCS, I still get reminded of it every day – not only from my symptoms but from people. “Why is your phone on night mode?” “Why is your text so big?” “Why do you wear weird glasses when you look at your computer?” “Why can’t you participate in *insert physical sport here*?” “Why did you forget that- I told you about it today?”
Based on my experience, here are three ways to cope with PCS.
1. Talk to a specialist.
From going in-person to a therapist, to talking to someone online, there are many ways to contact a counselor or mental health therapist. One company that I have heard raving reviews on is www.betterhelp.com. “Better Help” has affordable, private online counseling at anytime and anywhere. The ability to talk to a trained professional will help you healthily cope with your emotions and learn ways to control your thought-process.
2. Go to physical therapy.
Physical therapists will be a big resource for assistance, specifically in eye and balance therapy for PCS. However, it’s difficult to have physical therapy covered by insurance, but there are many articles and videos online that have exercises to help with PCS.
3. Surround yourself with supportive, uplifting friends and family.
I wouldn’t be as positive and determined to heal if it weren’t for my friends and family. Both high school and college friends have been a huge support system for me. In addition, although I’m hours away from home, my mom and brother have been very supportive throughout every step. I understand that not everyone has the luxury of having a support system, but even having one supportive friend or family member will make a huge difference.
I understand that with time, I will get better. But I’m absolutely terrified that I will get another concussion. None of the concussions that I have had were my fault; they were all freak accidents.
From my head injuries, I’m a different person. But everyone is struggling. I’m not alone in it. Time will heal this. Time heals all wounds.
Photo Credit: 1 (belongs to author), 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7