Last week I ate an apple every day and kept track of how many doctors I interacted with. Since statistics is stupid and math kids are smelly, here is my theorem surrounding how “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” It is proven!
Monday
One apple for breakfast. Mondays are my longest days with work and classes. I saw two doctors at my work, both of whom asked me a question. Apples: 1 – Doctors: 2.
Tuesday
Another apple for breakfast. On Tuesday, I expected to see four doctors in my classes. But for the scope of this experiment, a PhD in neuroscience will not fall into the category set forth as medical doctors. Apples: 1 – Doctors: 0.
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Wednesday
Apple again for breakfast, did I really have to say it. Nothing out of the ordinary. Apples: 1 – Doctors: 0
Thursday
Two apples today. Wow I love apples so much. Their magical powers are kryptonite towards doctors. Apples: 2 – Doctors: 0.
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Friday
The last day of my experiment. Of course this experiment had an approximately normal distribution, mean, standard deviation, Z-score and any other stats term those smelly scholars invented. Therefore the data is not skewed and perfectly normal. Apples: 1 – Doctors: 0
There you have it, statistical proof that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. There is evidence that the faster you consume apples, the faster medical doctors will leave you alone. The more apples, the better: overall proof yields a total of six apples and two doctors. As soon as you consume apples, doctors will leave you alone. This is proven in statistics! Now let’s talk about that medicine for the ghosts in your blood.
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