“I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend.” This is a sequence of words I have had to repeat numerous times since coming to campus. Yeah, I do have a boyfriend. I’ve had one for the past four years, and he’s a pretty alright dude. No complaints except for the money I’ve had to spend on dorky Christmas gifts (including a Top Gun poster. Yeah, I said dorky) and the whole long distance thing. But, that’s not what I want to talk to you about today. Rather, let’s focus on the truly absurd fact that I—and maybe you, too—feel pressure to apologize to others for being in a relationship.
I went to a party alone a few weeks ago, and, looking back, I don’t know what good I ever actually expected to come from that decision. After I stood around for about an hour—only ever wandering away from my place along the wall in order to steal another plate of free food—I was finally approached by a guy. He was nice enough to save me from the awkwardness that was almost tangible.
We talked for a while, a long while, about Netflix, classes, how lame the party was, and how much free food we had scarfed down. But, as all good things must eventually come to an end, I inevitably had to tell him: “I actually have a boyfriend. I’m sorry.”
I immediately thought, ‘why am I sorry?’ because I wasn’t sorry. I had nothing to apologize for. I’ve been in a relationship for four years that has made me (mostly) nothing but happy, which is not something I need forgiveness for. I had done nothing wrong, but for some reason I felt obligated to reconcile the fact that I might have wasted this nice boy’s valuable time. He told me that he was “disarmed” by my relationship status, but that he obviously wasn’t one of those guys that wouldn’t text me again just because he didn’t have a shot. I was relieved because we had actually seemed to hit it off, and had the possibility to become good friends. But (shocker!) that text never came.
He was totally “one of those guys.”
What I’m trying to say here is that I am sick and tired of boys, guys, males, dudes, or whoever treating me as if I am a lesser human being simply because I’m in a committed relationship. Should I call my boyfriend and ask for all of my redeeming individual qualities back? Because I guess he has stolen them all away.
Maybe I’m just being bitter, but I feel like I definitely have some interesting things to offer as a human being. I’m more than just a girlfriend; I am not my relationship status. I am in fact a person and to dismiss me simply because ‘you don’t have a chance’ is to entirely devalue me as an individual.
“Why don’t you make friends with girls? They won’t care if you have a boyfriend,” was the advice I was so ironically offered by my (male) best friend. That isn’t the point, my friend; I just want people to realize that I am my own person, with my own unique quirks and personality traits and idiosyncrasies that you’ll never come to know about if you snub me within seconds.
I’m not sorry for having a boyfriend. I’m not sorry for being some sort of inconvenience or stepping on your toes. I’m not going to continue apologizing for nothing. Girls, remember that you don’t owe anything to anyone except yourself! You owe it to yourself to take pride in whatever makes you feel happy and comfortable. Nobody should feel obligated to ask forgiveness for something that brings them joy.
As devaluing as it is to be completely overlooked as an individual, I have to admit that I’m not the one missing out when I’m ignored; being ignored shows me who isn’t worth bothering with. Those guys that decide I, or anyone else who has ever been made to feel like they don’t matter, are the ones who are really going deprived. Sure, they learned all they really needed to know about me, that they aren’t going to get to kiss my face, but they’ll never know any of the truly interesting things about me. Like the fact that I once swallowed an entire mouthful of mustard on a dare. Or that I’m afraid of butterflies. Or that I sleep with a stuffed animal named after a Shakespearian icon. These are the details about my life that truly make me who I am.
I’m not just somebody’s girlfriend. I am not my relationship status. I am me. And I am awesome. I’m a person worth getting to know.
And so are you. Yeah, you just managed to sit through roughly 500 words of me complaining about how much I hate boys sometimes. But, the thing that I really want you to get out of my rambling is this: You are worth so much more than how other people treat you. Whether you’re overlooked because of your race, your sexual orientation, or your relationship status, I want you to know that you ARE worth others’ time. We are all unique, interesting, marvelous, and pretty awesome. Don’t let other people’s treatment of you determine how you feel about yourself.
I don’t care if you’re dating a boy, girl, dog, elephant, pigeon, bowl of macaroni and cheese, or a figment of your imagination. I’ll want to get to know you nonetheless. I want to know your favorite color (mine is orange). I want to know whether or not you sleep with socks on (absolutely not). Are you a cat person or a dog person (meow)? I want you to know that everything about you has value and worth, and anyone who treats you like you aren’t great is a total idiot.
And, ‘Guy from Party,’ if you still wanted to text me, that’s fine. You’re probably pretty cool, too. Maybe I’ll even introduce you to my boyfriend.
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