When looking for a great apartment, you go for the one that feels comfy and cozy. You choose a college that fits your personality and you wear clothes that best fit your body.The same rule applies to relationships: when deciding who to date, we usually go for guys we are obviously attracted to. Our natural inclination is to be comfortable and most of the time that’s just fine. Sometimes though this kind of behavior lands you in a rut… A deep, dark, unsatisfying rut.
For instance, my friend we’ll call “Beth” always found herself falling for “The Bad Boy.” She loved everything from his cool, rebellious tattoos to the way his greasy hair shimmered in the hazy lights of the dive bar he insisted on bringing her to every weekend. True, the smell of cigarettes was always extremely difficult to wash out of her clothes but he kept telling her she would get used to it. The way he hung out with all of those groupies wasn’t what I would describe as “cool” either. But, as he put it he was just “Keeping her on her toes.” Plus, he swore he’d never cheat on her with any of them. Again.
Over and over Beth would fall for these guys because she insisted they were “Just her type,” and filler her requirements for everything she wanted in a guy just as perfectly as they filled out their tight leather pants. They were charming, mysterious, confident, and had the kind of moves that Jagger only dreams of.
Sure, on paper they looked great! In real life though, not so much. For Beth, it was the classic dilemma of what she thought she wanted in a relationship versus what she actually needed (and deserved). It took getting her heart seriously broken by yet another edgy, unwashed jerk to shock the “Bad Boy” type out of her system.
Just like Beth, a lot of girls can not help what they’re attracted to. Whether you’re constantly the girl on the back of the motorcycle or the perennial squeeze of the preppiest athlete in school, ditching your type isn’t always a negative thing.
Unfortunately, many girls find themselves sticking to what they’re used to without considering other options. It’s okay to know what you want in a guy but you should be flexible. Be open to the possibility that your eyes and your heart might not always agree, at least at first, and that what you want on the surface might not be what you need or what makes you happy.
A few months after her final bad boy break up, Beth begrudgingly went on a date with the shy, slightly geeky guy who had been desperately flirting with her all semester in Econ. Although he preferred The Fray to Metallica, he did have something amazing going for him: he wanted the same kinds of things Beth did in a relationship without all of the electric guitars and scantily-clad groupies. E-Harmony couldn’t have made a better match.
To all the “Beths” out there, don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone once in a while. Ask yourself: Is he really want I want or just what I am used to? Is he what I need in a man to maintain a happy relationship or just want I want judging by his pants? Accept a date from someone that breaks your type and you’ll be climbing out of your relationship rut in no time!