Single White Female, The Roommate, Notes on a Scandal; what do these three movies have in common? They all have to deal with obsession in a friend. You may have dealt with obsessive and/or a possessive behavior from someone in a past relationship, but what happens when you’re experiencing this problem from a friend?
In respect for a friend who has experienced what is not an uncommon problem, the names in this short personal anecdote have been changed to Leslie and Shannon. During this past summer Leslie worked at an internship along with a few other Pitt students. As the summer progressed, so did the relationships between the interns and it wasn’t long before they started to hang out after work. Leslie became close in particular to Shannon, and wasn’t aware of Shannon’s true personality until near the end of summer. “In the beginning, Shannon felt like a little sister to me and still does sometimes. However, as the weeks progressed, it felt like she was smothering and copying me. It started to feel as if I had a possessive boyfriend and I started to get uncomfortable as well as annoyed when she was around me. “ The following is a list Leslie provided of how Shannon was invading her personal space:
Shannon would ask to borrow Leslie’s clothes if they went out, and then would buy those same outfits and more a couple of weeks later. Shannon also dyed her hair the same color as Leslie when Leslie dyed her hair. Shannon would text everyday and later send multiple texts if Leslie did not respond right away.
She hit on guys in front of Leslie that had hit on her. Even worse, she would constantly flirt with a guy who Leslie started to form a relationship with. Shannon got jealous if Leslie hung out with other friends instead of her. If Shannon was invited, she would barely talk to anyone else.
Granted Shannon and her actions are not severe or life-threatening as any one of the movies listed above, but it is a difficult situation to handle that can turn serious quickly. Obsession and possession can lead to stalking. Statistics show that 6.6 million adults are affected by stalking. If a friend is starting to invade your life, there are tips to help you get away from them.
The first tip seems obvious, but is one of the most important. Avoid hanging out with them and stop responding to texts. Slowly, they should get the hint. If your problem is not serious, and the person is simply bothersome, only hang out with them with a group of friends you both know.
A person can only control you if you let them. If this individual tries to control you, they will back down when they see you’re not giving in and standing up for yourself.
Talk to this person and let him or her know the situation needs to change. Most of the time, this person is completely unaware of their incessant behavior towards you and others.
This if for those you are fed up and want to get away from a person like Shannon: Delete all contact of them from your life. Phone number, Facebook, email, etc.
Above all else, if things start to turn into a situation you’re not comfortable with, ask for help. Friends, family, and even the police (hopefully it won’t go that far) will do all they can to remove any type of harassment from your life. It helps to know that you’re not alone and there are many online groups to help out as well.
An obsessive friend may only be a minor case in your life. However, it’s always a good idea to nip it in the bud as fast as you can. This friend will always be a negative impact in your life. It may seem easier to be friends with this person, but you should remember to put yourself and safety first.