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A Definitive Ranking of Halloween Candy

One of my favorite memories from trick-or-treating as a child is when my brother and I would get home at the end of the night and empty our little plastic jack-o’-lanterns onto the living room carpet. We’d then sort our candy into piles and trade each other for some of our favorites. Over the years, I couldn’t help but notice that there were some piles that were very hard to get rid of and others that couldn’t get big enough. Here is this Collegiette’s ranking of common Halloween candies, in order from best to worst.

1. Chocolate

I know. I know. There are SOOO MANY types of chocolate. How dare I try to lump them all together like this! But hear me out, fellow chocoholics. I could easily write page after page ranking the best types of chocolate alone (spoiler alert: Kit-Kats win), but neither of us have time for that, so let’s just put our differences aside and recognize that there’s no such thing as bad chocolate. It all rocks.

2. M&M’s

Technically, M&M’s are still chocolate candy, but they’re unique enough to be their own item on the list. And because they still contain chocolate, they’ve earned a high status in the rankings. Plus, they come in a diverse assortment of flavors now (peanut, pretzel, peanut butter, just to name a few), so there’s a bag for everyone to enjoy!

3. Skittles

Tasting the rainbow is the best alternative to chocolate. I’m not usually a fan of fruit-flavored snacks, but Skittles are definitely the exception.

4. Dum Dums

This one was a hard one to place because it really depends on the flavor you get. Because blue raspberry is an option, Dum Dums score a solid ranking on the list. But the possibility of getting a root beer or bubble gum flavor, combined with the certainty of the gross, soggy sucker stick effect, keep these lollipops from reaching the top.

5. Laffy Taffy, Dots, Now & Later, and any other fruit flavored chews

These made up such a solid portion of my Halloween haul every year, but they’re not something I would ever ask for. But of course I’d eat them because, well, they were there. R.I.P. my cavity fillings.

6. Double Bubble

Those thirty seconds of flavor were truly something to cherish, but once they were up, I was left but nothing but sadness and a tired jaw. 

7. Tootsie Rolls

These are essentially Laffy Taffy disguised as chocolate, which really irks me. It’s like all the horrible things about chewy candy combined with false hope and wrapped in a lie.

8. Hard Candy

I believe the saying goes, “Trick-or-treat. Smell my feet. Give me something good to eat,” not “Hey, please dump whatever’s at the bottom of your grandma’s purse into my bag.”

9. Necco Wafers

Somehow, these things would always make their way into my treat bag… then straight into the trashcan. Necco Wafers have apparently been around since 1847, and boy do they taste like it! 

10. Apples, raisins, and any other non-candy alternative

Why do people think it’s okay to hand out raisins??? Raisins aren’t even good on a non-candy related day, so what makes people think it’s okay to get a kid’s hopes up over candy and then strike them down with a box of dried grapes? That’s just evil. 

 

Image credit: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

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