Let me start by stating that this is not another article influenced by the recently skyrocketing dance move, ‘twerk.” In an ideal world, I would like to believe that most guys have the same opinions that I do; but I know that I’m heavily outnumbered, especially in this country. Consider this article a much needed dance guideline.
I’m not expecting any of you beautiful ladies to have the aristocratic upbringing of the bourgeoisie in Versailles, or an extensive knowledge of ballroom etiquette, but these are my simple and humble views on hopefully making your drunken experience a bit more civil. That being said, I’ve been told to be quite direct and sassy (I am yet to know what that means) so please read this with a light heart.
I am a foreign exchange student who spends most of my time travelling around and experiencing your lovely culture, so I thank you for that. I was raised in Milan, lived a few years in Sri Lanka (aka beach parties) and spent last year in England. The legal age to purchase alcoholic beverages has always been 16 for me, so you can figure out for how long I’ve been illegally helping the economy. I’ve been partying it up in America for just over a month and have, successfully in my eyes, avoided the ‘grind a stranger’ contagion… That being said, I’m no prude.
I completely understand that there are a lot of brave girls out there who fight the urge of turning their backs on guys to grind as soon as possible; instead they dance around in what I can only describe a natural release of joy and happiness.
What happened to finding out each other’s name before interlocking in such primal embrace? Maybe introductions are saved for the bedroom in America; in such case forgive my rudeness and cultural unawareness. No, I’m not asking you to find out his complete life story. You’re having a night out and partying, not trying to find a prospective life partner – even though that would be a hilarious finale to the soon to be over hit series, ‘How I Met Your Mother.’
Turn around, look at him, and show him that you actually know (irrespective of how bad the lightning is) that he’s there. Use your assets, move more than just your bum. Let your wild side loose and do some of those moves you usually save for your mirror. On the other hand, one certainly cannot question the sense of divine providence felt when catching three girls simultaneously grinding on three guys (high-fiving each other for their audacious victories). Unfortunately, girls, such skill may only be useful for synchronized swimming.
Finally, if things get intimate with a guy, then go forth and enjoy; nevertheless, consider the dance floor part of the journey and not the final destination. Take it somewhere more private, and definitely more romantic.
This isn’t a rant asking you girls to stop grinding (or is it twerking?), by all means, continue doing so if you genuinely enjoy it; but regardless of how inebriated you might be, maybe turn around once in a while to make sure it’s the same guy.
Stammi bene, principessa.
Photo drawn by the author.