Throughout my freshman year of college, I was in a serious long distance relationship and had no desire whatsoever to even think about another guy. Now, in my sophomore year, I am completely unattached while also looking for that special someone to come along and sweep me off my feet. My original plan was to just go out and meet guys at parties and then somehow magically make them fall in love with me.
Unfortunately, all that got me was a lot of make out sessions and instances of being groped on the dance floor. However, after going from one extreme to the other, I realized that I was going about finding someone new in completely the wrong way, and it did not get me any closer to love. Fortunately, I learned some important facts along the way and hopefully in sharing them I can help another girl avoid a lot of heartache and grief.
Through my trials and tribulations, I learned that certain types of guys are just looking for a random hook up and nothing else. Here are a few general rules of thumb when it comes to spotting and avoiding these toxic individuals. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules:
1. If a guy tries to kiss you within 24 hours of first meeting you, he is not interested in anything long term. A guy that was genuinely interested in you would not try to get in your pants the first chance he got. A respectful, worthwhile guy would try to get to know you a little better before taking things to a physical level. Plus, waiting a little longer for that first kiss makes it that much more suspenseful and exciting.
2. If a guy invites you back to his place to “hang out,” his definition of hanging out is “hooking up.”Similarly, if a guy you’re not good friends with texts you out of the blue to hang out at his place and “watch a movie or something,” he’s going to try to jump you. Guys who are trying to get to know you better would suggest hanging out at a public place, to take some of the pressure off and eliminate awkwardness, which is inevitable in a private, one-on-one meeting.
3. If a guy walks you home from a party, he’s going to expect something in return.If a guy offers to walk you home and you’re not interested in doing anything physical, politefully decline and go home with your friends. However, if you get separated from your friends and you don’t want to walk home alone, just tell the guy something to the effect of while you appreciate him helping you out, you’re not interested in hooking up with him. Upon hearing this, jerks that were looking for just that will scatter quickly and you can find safe, alternative ways to get home, like calling a cab or the lovely Pitt Saferider system.
4. If a guy tells you he’s not looking for a relationship, he just wants to hook up. Some girls may not think guys are serious when they say this, but if he wasn’t, why would he say it at all? He’s trying to be honest, and that’s a good thing, at least he’s not planning to lead you on by saying he thinks you’re his soulmate. If a guy says this to you, think about if you’re okay with him being a one-time thing. If you’re not, say so and he will most likely respect that since he was straight up with you in the first place. But, some girls may think that even if a guy says this, they can hook up with him a few times and he will change his mind, realizing that he actually does want a commitment. Sadly, they are wrong. If he isn’t looking for a relationship, he may gladly hook up with you on multiple occasions, but that’s not going to make him suddenly decide that he doesn’t want to be with other girls as well.
To be fair, I must say that there may be some exceptions to these rules. However, I have not come into contact with anyone who could possibly contradict any of them, and let’s just say that I’ve “surveyed” a large enough sample of the population of interest to be confident in these assumptions.
Now, if you do have a one-time hook up and you randomly run into him somewhere, it is important to acknowledge his existence and say hi. This will prevent awkwardness altogether. It shows that you’re not fazed in the situation or embarrassed about what happened, and there’s no reason you should be. Plus, since you’ve run into him once, there’s a good chance you could run into him again, and then that scenario won’t be weird either, since you’ve both already accepted the circumstances of your association. Any of my friends will tell you that I am the queen of awkward run-ins, simply because they seem to happen so often. Believe it or not, one time while I was walking down Forbes Avenue, I passed three different guys that I had previously hooked up with, one right after the other. But, I kept my cool and smiled while walking by, and it didn’t bother me at all. And anyway, the alternative of running away screaming at the first sight of a former hook up would just be tacky and dramatic.
If you do meet a guy at a party that you’re interested in and would like to see him again in the future, you have to make yourself memorable. That means talking and letting your personality shine. Contrary to popular belief, just wearing the hottest outfit in your closet isn’t going to make him contact you or even remember your name the next day. It is also vital to not try too hard, a lot of times the best things come to you when you weren’t looking for them. And fortunately for girls, feminism hasn’t come so far as to render chivalry completely obsolete; if a guy is really interested in you, he will definitely make the first move or at least enthusiastically respond to you making the first move.
Learning all these things the hard way has definitely been tough, but I think on some level it was important for me to have these experiences to realize what I truly wanted. I still would like to meet a good guy that is interested in having a relationship with me, but I’ve definitely changed my tactics and am definitely more selective about with whom I share my kisses. And for the first time, I am perfectly content with sitting back and letting fate do the work of finding the right guy.
If some of you are reading this and thinking, “Well, duh this advice is so obvious,” then lucky you! You have not had to endure the exasperation of learning these rules the hard way like I did. Or maybe you already have, and with that, I sympathize. However, if you were not aware of these tips, hopefully I’ve given you the knowledge to weed out the bad boys and get on the right track for finding a good one. So, in the words of Notorious BIG, “if you don’t know; now you know.”