Jealousy is a terrible thing that we all try to avoid, but one that inevitably swallows us whole. Jealousy of the worst kind revolves around relationships, and for me it takes its ugly form in my boyfriend’s friendships with other girls. Lots of girls. All of his friends are girls. So when your boyfriend jets off to Miami with his four best friends – all girls – for spring break, how do you deal?
I know I’m not the only girl in the world that deals with this, so here are five ways to prevent that unpleasant green color from consuming your life. Some are tricks that have been successful for me in the past, and some are tips that I should probably try out.
1. Find a guy friend in your life that you can make comparisons to. This sounds weird, but it has absolutely been the easiest way for me to understand my boyfriend’s relationships with girls. Whenever something comes up that I think, “Wait, should I be okay with that?” I think about whether or not I would do the same thing with my friend, Jamie. See a picture of him picking up one of his close girl friends? Well, would Jamie pick me up like that and take a picture? Absolutely. My boyfriend telling me that he slept in a queen bed with his girl friend in the hotel room so he didn’t have to sleep on the floor? Could I sleep platonically in a bed with Jamie? Yeah, sure. Finding points of comparison like this help me to keep my jealousy in check. After all, how can I be upset about something he did that I know I would do myself?
2. Think of his girl friends as boys. Seriously, do it. It helps to think of them as all wearing boxers, drinking beer, eating wings, and watching the game because, in reality, that’s probably pretty much what they’re doing. Get the thoughts out of your head about dancing and grinding, because that’s not what’s happening, and it will only make you mad.
3. Remember that, in most cases, they were there before you. They were there first, and who are you to come along and kick them out? He’s been going to them for love and life support for probably years longer than he’s been going to you. And while you came in and took the biggest part of his heart, there has to be room left for them to stay.
4. Don’t ever forget that you’re number one. Sometimes, when your boyfriend is surrounded by so many girls, it’s hard to remember that you are the one that he wants to kiss, to sleep with at night, to hug when he’s upset. If you’ve been dating for long enough, you’re also most likely the one that he wants to spend the rest of his life with, that he’ll alter his long-term plans for, and that he’s going to see everyday for forever. Tell yourself that you’re his favorite, because you are. And if it’s getting hard to remember that, ask him to tell you. If the relationship is worth it, what he says is going to be what you want to hear.
5. If something really makes you uncomfortable, ask about it. Consult the rules first, but if you just can’t get past something, talk to him. But be careful! Questions may hurt his feelings because he feels like you should be able to trust him without an interrogation. Watch how you phrase things, and make sure you don’t blame him for anything that may not be true.
I hope these rules help you next time you feel the jealousy creeping up on you. But don’t forget, there are exceptions – if you’re in a relationship where it seems that his girl friends constantly come before you, or if you know that something is going on that shouldn’t be, none of these rules will help.
Out of all of those girls, he picked you, ladies – always remember that.
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