Over winter break, my boyfriend visited my house and met my parents for the first time. It was an interesting experience, filled with mixed emotions ranging from constant worrying to relief that it was over. As I thought about it, I noticed five unique stages that occurred, and related them to my own experience. I also asked my boyfriend to include his own perspective.
1. Anxiety/Nervousness
A few hours before my boyfriend was supposed to arrive, my dad suggested inviting my heavily bearded, gun-wielding uncles and cousins over to stand on our front porch as some sort of intimidating welcoming committee. He was joking, but it obviously didn’t help to calm my already-fried nerves. There were so many questions running through my mind. Would my parents like him? Would he like my parents? What if they don’t like each other? Would the world explode??? I wasn’t the only one thinking that way. My boyfriend said that while he was on his way, he began imagining everything that could possibly go wrong.
2. First Impressions
When he finally arrived at my house, I was so overjoyed to see him that my anxiety subsided for a moment. Then came the big moment: the handshake. My dad and my boyfriend smiled at each other and exchanged pleasantries. My BF even brought fudge (that HE made – bonus points!), and they both seemed at ease. I asked my BF what he wanted my parents to think of him, and he said that all he wanted was for them to like him (and for my dad to not shoot him with a shotgun). They chatted for a bit, and my dad teased him about liking soccer. “We watch American football in this house,” he said
3. Discussion
My mom came home later that night and we went out to dinner. My boyfriend is from New Jersey and apparently they don’t have many Texas Roadhouse restaurants there, so I insisted that he needed to try their steak (because it is honestly the best ever). I thought my parents would do something to embarrass me, but they actually managed to contain themselves. I was so worried that my family wouldn’t have anything to talk to my BF about, since they seemed to have such different interests. My BF said he had a good time, but when I left to go to the bathroom he felt awkward being alone with my parents. Miraculously, we made it through dinner just fine.
4. Delegation
On the drive home from the restaurant, my dad started talking about religion and politics with my BF – two topics you just shouldn’t talk about with people you don’t know. However, my boyfriend was very polite about it, and my dad managed not to say anything too crazy. My BF said that he respects other people’s beliefs, and if he had started getting angry, he would have just stopped talking. I paid close attention the entire time in case it got out of hand, but an argument never arose.
5. Final Impressions
My BF stayed with my family for two nights, and although my family seemed to like him, I wanted to make sure it was real. After he left, they told me he was polite and kind, but the only thing that mattered was that I was happy. My BF thought my mom was funny and my dad was courteous; he thinks he got along well with them. My parents hope to meet him again and get to know him better, which counts as a success in my book!
I know not all parent/S.O. meetings turn out so well, but I am so grateful that mine did. And if you are preparing to introduce your parents to your boyfriend, my advice is to stop worrying. Everything will work out in the end, whether it’s meant to be or not. Sometimes you just have to let go of control and hope for the best.