You’re looking good and feeling even better as you head out for the day. You mind your own business and try to go about your day, but, before long, you find yourself cornered by a random person trying to hit on you. And by hit on, I mean desperately trying to talk to you as you try to escape in the least offensive way. Everyone has a story of an awkward or creepy encounter with someone that obviously missed some cues you were dropping alone the way. While it’s never fun in the moment, they’re almost always a good story to tell!
Here are some of our favorites:
“For a friend’s birthday her dad, who was estranged for the majority of her life, came to visit for the weekend. He brought with him his girlfriend, his girlfriend’s daughter, and a few other friends. My friend had a party at her apartment for her birthday, which her father, her father’s girlfriend, her father’s girlfriend’s daughter, and her father’s friends attended. The situation is… uncomfortable, to say the least. I’m not sure what the proper ratio of 21-year-old girls to middle-aged men at a college house party is, but this was certainly not it. I decided to leave, but decided that I should say goodbye to the family and let them know that it was nice to meet them. My friend’s father said, ‘Oh come here, we hug around here!’ Then proceeded to pull me in and said quietly, ‘You’re a pretty young thing. You know… *looks at girlfriend* You could come back to the hotel with us. *motions to girlfriend* She wouldn’t have to know!’”
“One time a 60-year-old man invited me to meet him for a drink at the hotel next to my work. And when I told him ‘I’m 20,’ he said, ‘Age is just a number baby, I run like a fine Swiss watch.’ And I flatly told him ‘That means I can’t drink.’”
“I was shopping at American Eagle once and one of the workers greeted me super enthusiastically, kept staring at me as I was shopping, and asked me if I needed anything like 20 times. Then at one point he just randomly says “You’re stunning.” I was flattered, but a little weirded out (also I had a boyfriend), and ran out of the store as fast as I could.”
“One time when I was working at a restaurant I asked a guest if there was anything I could help him with. He looked me up and down and said, ‘Nothing you can help me with here, darlin. What time do you get off? Or maybe you can get me off.’”
“I was at the bar, and this dude came up to me, and he was standing way too close and smelled like a distillery. He started talking to me, and my mother raised me to be polite, so I was maintaining polite small talk even though I really just wanted to drink my beer. And he got around to asking what I do for a living. I replied “I work at Outback.” He goes ‘Oh! Wow! That’s awesome!’ and then he leans over, and, I kid you not, he whispers in my ear ‘I want to eat YOUR blooming onion.’ and then wiggles his eyebrows at me. Moral of the story, kids: don’t work at Outback, blooming onions are gross, and don’t be polite to boys you don’t wanna talk to.”
“I was at a Luke Bryan concert this summer and this dude walked up to me out of nowhere and goes, ‘I don’t want to make this weird or anything but….did you just grab my ass?’ It was the weirdest, most uncomfortable thing ever and I looked him straight in the face and was like, ‘Uhhhh no sir, I most definitely did not grab your ass.’ And then I ran the other way.”
“Some kid came to Copy Cat to get his resumes printed and when I asked what color paper he wanted them printed on he said ‘I’ll get the blue parchment paper because it matches your eyes.’ I don’t even have blue eyes.”
“My best friend got a text from a guy one night checking to see if she arrived home safely. When she asked who it was, he said ‘Sorry if you are not [her name].’ It was her name, so she was super confused, but he said ‘It’s [his name] from the bar tonight. If you are not [her name] and we did not share some great conversation this evening then, again, I’m sorry.’ Well, the only two men by that name she knows are her driver’s ed instructor and my dad. She texted me screenshots and I confirmed that the number is my dad’s. My dad drunkenly hit on my best friend instead of the woman he meant hit on. Still epic to this day.”
“Some man at the club grabbed me the other night and said ‘I WANT THE LITTLE ONE.’” (He also sat down at her table and tried to talk to her group of friends while they ignored him for about a half an hour!)
“I was at Hem’s with my friends and I was on the end of the group. This clearly plastered guy came up to me, ran his hand through my hair, and kept trying to form words. All I could understand was ‘red hair’ and ‘lovely’ as he tried to continue. First of all, you should never touch someone else you don’t know. Second, my hair is naturally curly, so under no circumstances do you touch curls because it just forms a frizzy mess! So thank you, strange man, for ruining my hair. To top things off, he came back about a half hour later. Put his hand on my ass and when I turned to look at him, he cupped my face with his other hand and leaned in for a kiss while saying, ‘You have such pretty eyes.’ I took his hands off of me and pushed him away. He took it in stride and kept walking in that direction like it was what he meant to do, despite the fact his friends were in the other direction. He took a lap around the bar just to save face!”
So if you’re planning on trying to pick up someone, please don’t do these things.
Please note that these are all real experiences submitted to us and that names have been omitted to protect the people involved.