I have been broken up with more than anyone I know. Seriously. This is not an exaggeration. Nearly every single person I’ve sort of dated, or forrealsies dated has broken up with me. Only once in my life have I actually broken up with someone, and in order to do that I basically just ignored him until he went away.
And now, after about six years of being broken up with constantly, I handle it like a total baby. For instance, last weekend a guy I had been seeing started acting odd, and I knew in my gut that this was it. It was all over. So I walked around my room and grabbed all of the stuff he had lent to me, and practiced a break-up speech in the mirror. Finally, he called me.
So I go out, standing up straight and looking super cute (but not in an obvious way, because you have to let him know what he’s missing, duh) give him my little spiel and hand him his stuff. I was about to let myself out of the car, but instead of just hopping out, I started to cry.
And not the pretty kind of crying.
And yeah, apart of it was because this guy was dumping me. This guy that I really like, and was having a great time with, for (what seemed like) no reason just ended it out of nowhere. But mostly I was having a breakdown because I am sick and tired of getting dumped. I am sick of giving small parts of myself to someone only to have them handed back to me, unwanted. And when I (finally) did leave the car, all of those questions that had been swimming around in my brain forever start to surface:
“Is there something wrong with me?”
“Am I not loveable?”
“Am I being crazy?”
But I realized after I had stopped crying (and with the help of some wine), that all of us- both ladies and gents have these questions running through our minds. We all feel unloveable, crazy, unsexy, and like there’s a million things wrong with us. But one day, I’m going to meet someone who thinks all of the weird, annoying things I do (put my raisins in the fridge, watch horror movies and laugh, read a lot of books about Mormons, etc) are actually charming. He will think I’m sexy in pajamas, or worse- an ill-fitting skirt. He will love me as much as he loves his favorite album. There’s somebody for everybody. Right?
But in those moments when we are the dumpee and our minds start to run wild with absurd questions, we need to remember to be in love with ourselves. That we are all loveable, and there’s nothing wrong with any of us. Our vices are who we are. So why not embrace them wholeheartedly? We’re all a little crazy- we might text too much, talk too loud, hog the bed. But that’s what makes us the wonderful little snowflakes we are. Right?
But in those moments when we are the dumpee and our minds start to run wild with absurd questions, we need to remember to be in love with ourselves. That we are all loveable, and there’s nothing wrong with any of us. Our vices are who we are. So why not embrace them wholeheartedly? We’re all a little crazy- we might text too much, talk too loud, hog the bed. But that’s what makes us the wonderful little snowflakes we are. Right?
So, before I jump into the next stupid semi/real relationship with someone, I’m going to be in love with myself. Because when I am in love with myself, I will finally be the dumper, instead of the meek little dumpee.