Do you ever get the idealization of the “What Could Have Been” or “What Could Be” that keeps you holding on to a relationship of any kind? What about the fact that you know that this is not the entirety of what someone is capable of and you know deep down that they can do better because they are better?
The acknowledgment that you have come so far in building a bond with someone that you have convinced yourself is your time and effort and energy time and time again. When something starts out so beautiful and so profound it is almost too good to be true, because it just may be.
One thing I have come across in college is friendships and a relationship that served me no true value as they persisted and bonds severed and we drifted apart but I kept holding out hope that there would be a change or that the shift was only temporary. Instead of recognizing that I was the only person still invested, I knew deep down I perceived things the way I wanted to see them as opposed to the way they truly were. I wasn’t wearing rose-colored glasses, I had completely switched to rose-colored contacts entirely. When you start a friendship or a relationship out and things are so strong and you feel like your bond is unbreakable until something shifts with one shift of a clock dial suddenly conversations become shorter and you no longer appear to take priority in their day. The overwhelming curiosity as to what changed or what you could have done but the truth is for one reason or another your presence stopped validating them. You no longer take priority because the harsh truth is that you were never truly a priority in the first place.
You see we live in a society where it is pushed that tribulations, arguments rough patches, and periods of doubt are absolutely vital for a relationship in any context to be viable but that is not true. We are fed this idealized rags-to-riches conceptualization of relationships. As if in order to be successful in love and friendship you have to be successful in finding your way back to each other after these drifts take place. But that is not true. True and profound bonds take time to grow, and with a true and profound bond, you can communicate with each other when you are not feeling up for talking instead of ghosting. With a true and profound bond, you do not have the necessity for the presence of conflict or drama you only need the availability of mutual understanding and the ability and recognition that you are going to be there for each other.
When you realize it is time to give up on doing things in hopes of receiving love and instead begin acting out of love, you will find your people and peace of mind.
One thing I have learned is not to waste your precious days fighting for a bond that truly is not even there when you have not even met everyone who is going to want to show up for you without you having to beg yet.