Going home for the holidays can make you feel different, though I’ve come to find that my outlook on it has changed. In previous years I’ve always wanted to be able to stay on campus and just have the place to myself. When I went to community college we had to pay to stay for a break, so I would go home instead. Then in my junior year of college where I could stay without payment, my grandma got sick, so I went home at the last minute for a break. So, as my senior year approached I was excited about the idea of being able to stay on campus over break finally.
It wasn’t like I was going to miss much as my family doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, or if they do, they do it separately and not as a family. I have been looking forward to having the whole place to myself. Although I love getting to live with my friends, I was excited to be able to clean the house, have a quiet campus, and just relax. Some might not have the same excitement, but that’s just how I felt my experience would go.
I wasn’t too lonely either. I actually went home for the weekend before Thanksgiving and visited with some family friends, as well as wrapped presents for Christmas. My mom also took me to get some groceries before I returned to campus, so I had some socializing before I was alone on break. However, once she dropped me off, it was like I immediately felt different.
I was so excited to have this alone time, yet I didn’t feel it anymore once it was actually starting to happen. I had kept myself occupied at the start by rearranging and deep cleaning our living room and kitchen, as well as decorating for Christmas. However once that was done, I still felt a little odd, as if something was missing. That’s when I realized that I was missing home.
Even though we didn’t celebrate, it was the first year I wasn’t home for break. Instead of being able to see my cat, talk to my mom, and visit with my dad, I was just by myself. As well as now I was on a campus where none of my friends were and nothing really was open. Even taking a walk didn’t feel like a fun idea because of how cold it had been.
I would see everyone posting on their social media about finally being back home and how happy they felt, it made me feel a little out of place. However, it also just reminded me of how grateful I should be. I used to want alone time because I thought it would bring me calmness and a break. However what I realized being alone on this break was that it will bring calmness, it can bring a break, but it will also bring so much quietness and isolation that will make you feel like you’re missing out on everything.
It made me take into consideration how much gratitude I have for the text messages, phone calls, facetime, and direct messages I can use when I’m away; and made me aware of how grateful I should be when I do get to see my family and friends in person. To be able to talk about our lives, hug, and spend time together.
Especially with what is going on right now in the world, we are privileged that we get to even have the choice or opportunity to go home for the holidays, to see and hug our family and friends. We are lucky to even wake up alive, to be in good health, to have shelter, to have food, to have water.
So, what I’m trying to get at through this story is to always cherish the times you have with others. Always be grateful for the connection you get to make whether it be with family, friends, or even strangers. Though I spent Thanksgiving break alone, I am grateful that this one taught me the importance of going home as well as the gratitude I have for the life I am living. I may not have a lot of money or opportunities that others have, but I do have a life that has given me family, friends, and wellness that others don’t. Also, take in what you are thankful for every day, not just this one day a year, especially given the historical meaning behind it.