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Sex + Relationships

Starting to Date Again After a Breakup

After breaking up with my boyfriend of almost two years, I spent a lot of time adjusting to single life. If I’m being honest, I had made a conscious effort to avoid being on my own for much of my college career. Throughout my freshman year, I was in on-and-off flings with boys that, looking back, were never good for me. I was in a relationship for most of my sophomore and junior years. To actually be on my own for the first time since high school was a terrifying thought, but I knew it was time.

I quickly realized that being single isn’t half as scary as I thought it was going to be. Much to my surprise, I actually really loved being on my own. I became incredibly independent and created long-lasting friendships with people I deeply cherish. I got closer to my parents and my roommate. I was able to do whatever I wanted on my schedule, never worrying about checking in with a significant other. I was shocked to learn that I was a way more productive and healthy individual outside of a relationship, especially because I ending up getting to know myself on a level I never had before. When I was done going through the break-up phases, however, a fear developed: was I too comfortable being on my own?

It may sound odd, but I began to wonder if I had become far too pleased with my single life. Sure, I was talking to people on various dating apps, but I never bothered to move forward or pursue anything. In my mind, no one met my high standards, nor would anyone want to keep up with the agenda I had created for myself. There’s nothing wrong with being completely satisfied on your own, but I decided that I wanted to push myself to start dating again. It had been roughly eight months since my breakup and I felt that I was ready.

Finally moving forward and officially saying goodbye to a long-term relationship is a lot easier said than done. Dating is not easier — there are a ton of creeps and weirdos out in the world, though you’re eventually bound to find someone you click with. It feels a little uncomfortable to be back in the dating pool, but more than anything, I’m really proud of myself for taking the necessary time to be on my own. After spending eight months getting to know myself outside of a significant other, I’m more comfortable in my own skin than ever. Who knows if I’m actually prepared for another relationship, but at the very least, I’m feeling good enough to open myself up to the possibility of it.  

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