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Six Things You Need To Get Out of Your System Before You Graduate College

With graduation on the horizon, and our terrifying futures hanging in the distance, there are a few things we need to do now, rather than later.


6.) Dating Sh*tty People

I believe that everyone should date someone who treats them like crap, once. It’s a learning experience. However, you’re not allowed to do this after you graduate college. So talk to, sleep with, go on dates with all of those guys/gals that are just awful humans that you really like for some inexplicable reason. But don’t let it carry over into your mid-20s. Please, for the love of god.


5.) Getting Black Out Make-Out With Your Best Friend Drunk

So sometimes you black out. It happens. You drink a little too much vodka a little too early and then WHOOPS- half of the night is lost in oblivion and you find out the next morning that you made out with your BFF and also slapped the bouncer at the last bar you were at because he wouldn’t let you in. If you have any desire to do this, then please just do it now. It’s a lot less attractive to see someone in their early 30s vomming on the sidewalk outside of TGIFridays. Plus, while you’re in college you have the excuse “I’m in college!” and that kind of is like, a get out of jail free card.


4.) Not Doing The Dishes

We all have that one roommate that is bad at keeping up with dishes. They’re probably a really great person, but for whatever reason, refuse to wash their silverware or coffee mugs. This is totally unacceptable at any age, but I’ll allow it now. So please, start washing your f*cking cereal bowl.


3.) Being a Crappy Group Member

There is nothing worse than being the person in a group project that doesn’t contribute diddly squat to the actual project. IRL, it is not appropriate to contribute nothing to a group. And for many of us embarking into The Real World, we may have to continue to work in groups for a while- accept instead of getting one bad grade, you could get fired for not contributing. So knock it off or I will passive aggressively play the Pocahontas soundtrack so loud you will want to die.


2.) Acting Weird About Buying Condoms

This is my biggest, biggest, biggest pet peeve. I really don’t understand it. We are between the ages of 18-23 years old, but for some reason, some of us are total 10-year-old boys about buying condoms. Come on, People! These magical little pieces of latex save us from STDs, and PREGNANCY. So grow a pair and go to that scary section in Walmart and buy some and quit being so immature about it. You’ll thank me later.


1.) Being a Bad Tipper

Times are tough. Most of us in school are paying for a bunch of things already, saving up to pay back those astronomical loans we took out. Occasionally, we treat ourselves to dinner, or breakfast or maybe delivered pizza. And I know it’s hard to leave a decent tip sometimes- we make up excuses about the service, or about the food, or about how we HAVE to get this shirt dry cleaned before that super important interview next week. But it has to stop. You have to tip well. If you tip well, the universe will pay you back. Whoever is delivering your pizza/bringing you your drinks is probably trying to pay off the same debt you are. Seriously. Plus, it’s just awful manners if you tip poorly.


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