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The Seven Most Ridiculous Things I Heard On Move-In Day.

So, we quit our summer jobs, kissed our boyfriends/girlfriends/friend-you-like-to-kiss-sometimes goodbye, packed up our Mom’s Honda Odysseys and blared the “Back to Oz” playlist, and waved goodbye to our parents as they drove away with tears in their eyes.
 
And now here we are. With all of our stuff packed into blue bins, cardboard boxes, and garbage bags on the curb of Onondaga, Johnson, or one of our many other lovely residence halls thinking to ourselves- now what?
 
We’re stuck with our own ton of stuff – shoes, sweaters, futons, pillows, bedding, cookware – on the curb of our residence hall. And sometimes, we say stupid things.
 
Here are The 7 Most Ridiculous Things I Heard On Move-In Day.
(I’m sorry if one or multiple pertain too close to you. I promise I’m not targeting anyone specific. Except you, Jamie Joyce.)
 
1.)    So, like, how many pairs of shoes should I bring? Girlfriend- this is Oswego. You only need 4 pairs of shoes: snow boots, rain boots, flats and a pair of heels.

2.)    What do you mean there’s no place to park my U-Haul? Unless you’re moving into your first apartment or trailer park there is absolutely NO reason for a U-Haul. Especially if you’re living in a 14×11 shared dorm room, with a common area 10’ in length. Besides, how much sh*t are you actually toting to school that you need a U-Haul? They supply us with furniture, remember?

3.)    Why can’t I get Wi-Fi on my Blackberry? Wireless will be available sometime around the summer of 2027. You will soon be able to surf the internet Ethernet cord free.

4.)    WHERE ARE ALL THE GREY BINS?! For all 4,100 residents on campus there are a total of about 6 grey bins. Just wait your turn, sugar!

5.)    University Police is a bunch of b*tches! I can park wherever I want because it’s move in day. Sorry. You can’t. If one of the dorms just happens to catch on fire and your Dad’s 4×4 is blocking the fire lane, then all of us will die. And it will be all… your… fault.

6.)    Bro, I just came to party. This is a message to all residents under the age of 21: do not bring beer pong tables/ping pong balls/cases of beer/bottles of liquor/anything else you’re not supposed to have blatantly through the front doors of your dormitory. Not only will you look like a complete idiot in front of all your brodude confidants but your RA will have it out for you for the rest of the semester. So just don’t.

7.)    So… how easy is it to sneak a cat into the dorm? Okay, personally I would DIE (out of excitement and joy) if someone smuggled a cute furry little kitty into my res hall. But, because this is a college campus… cats just aren’t allowed. Is there a petition we can start?
 
 
Despite the lack of kittens on campus, and the dozens of pong tables already confiscated, it seems that we have survived our first week of the semester so far. But I guess the weekend hasn’t happened yet…

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