I’d like to talk to everyone about two separate things in this post, both relating to rape culture and my project on healing through writing (I talked about this before, but just to refresh your memory, I’m working on a project about how rape survivors turn to writing as a tool to help them face the trauma and heal from it.)
First – I’ve been going to the library like a crazy person, getting book after book after book about rape culture, books written by survivors, books about art therapy – you name it, and I’ve probably at least perused it in the stacks of Penfield Library. Anyway, I went to check a few books out the other day – all written by rape survivors, with titles like “After Silence: Rape and My Journey Back” and the like. A few times, I’ve had people look at me funny when I take a large number of books like these out at a time, but I’m normally able to ignore it. They’re probably just curious, and I don’t feel embarrassed or weirded-out at all, so why should they?
But the other day, when I was checking out my books, the boy behind the counter kept staring awkwardly at the titles while he scanned them for me. He would stare at them, and then glance up at me and look away quickly, like he was scared of getting the plague. He finally finished scanning them, and then pushed the pile back to me and said, “Have fun?” Just like that. With the little question at the end.
I don’t know why this bothered me so much – perhaps it’s because I was able to see (quite clearly) the stigma attached to rape. This was a fine example of rape culture. Maybe he was just uncomfortable because he assumed I was reading these books for a personal reason and didn’t know what to say – but it made me angry.
“Have fun?” And looking at me like I’m contagious? It’s not okay. It’s not okay to treat rape like something that is taboo and funny and something to joke about. Maybe I’m overreacting and taking it all too seriously, but still…
In other related news, I got to speak with a woman who started a blog for sexual assault survivors which will eventually be turned into a book. You can check out her site here: http://survivoranthology.wordpress.com/
Her name is Amy, and she was wicked nice, and willing to share her experience with me. I got a lot of good material for my project, and I’d like to share something she said to me, because I think it is really moving and important:
“I wanted to open up a safe place for survivors of all ages, sexes, cultures, socio-economic status, and sexuality … While I know that writing is not going to heal everyone, it’s a coping method that I found pushed me further than just talking about it and helped me go from victim to survivor.”