Real talk guys, have you ever had someone that you were vaguely interested in, but mutual friends continue to push it despite the fact that you and that person have only spoken like twice?
It’s like, you talk to someone once and both of you express the briefest amount of interest, not even always in each other, but maybe in the weird conversation you had, or the fact that you liked their sunglasses or something. From there, a mutual friend thinks that it’s funny to insist that you both like each other while simultaneously warning you both that it would never work out. Naturally, your monkey brain insists that now you have to like this person. Why else would they continuously reappear in conversation?
This is something I really hoped would end in high school, but people insist on trying my patience with this topic. Maybe it’s just because I am perpetually single, which I don’t mind, but is construed as a horrific thing by quite a few people (hi, mom). No matter what the reason behind it is, it’s still irritating. People should respect the fact that you aren’t interested, be it in the person in question or people in general, and let you live.
If any of you are experiencing this or anything similar, here are my suggestions:
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Tell that friend to knock it off. I’ve tried the inquiring-about-the-person-in-question route and found that I just further convinced my friend that I was infatuated when in reality, my own feelings of inadequacy were what was driving me to check and see if the person really liked me. The best way to go about it is to cut all conversations about the matter. Let them know you aren’t interested and move on to something else. You don’t have to be rude about it, just let them know you won’t tolerate it anymore.
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Sit yourself down and have a real conversation about the matter. Despite the fact that this may lead to you discovering true feelings about said person, I still recommend this after the discussion with the friend, because you can’t be honest with yourself when you just want someone to shut up. All you should be doing here is reevaluating the situation. Did you think about them because you want to get to know them better, or was it just because someone else kept bringing them up? If you had the chance, would you even want to hang out with them?
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Talk to the person in question. No, this doesn’t mean that you need to go into some deep conversation about feelings or anything like that. I just mean that you should have a conversation with them and find out if they are what you remember. Often times I find that people I have built up in my mind are the last people I should have developed feelings for, so talking to them is a good way to determine if it’s even worth the trouble.
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Be friends or leave it be. Even if you do discover that your friend was right, I recommend being friends first. If your friend(s) have been pushing it for some time, you may still be confused as to what you really want. That being said, you know what’s best for you. If you don’t want to be friends, leave it be. It’s okay that it didn’t work out the way some people may have built it up to be, you don’t have to date anyone just because someone insists that they like you. You don’t even have to be friends with them if you don’t want to.
I know I also mentioned something about the mutual friend thinking you and the person in question are not good for each other. If this matters to you, which it should, you can always just drop it, to begin with. Personally, I find that you can’t get closure without at least trying something small, just to be sure. Your friends are likely right, but sometimes you need the opportunity to learn something about yourself before you make a decision.
Yeah, I feel you with the forced crushes that make you question your sanity. The best thing to do is to remove the stressors and reassess what had occurred. No matter what decision you come to, it’s always a good thing to remember that being single is better than being in an unwanted relationship, even if it only exists in your friend’s head.