Has chivalry met its end? Do traditional dating guidelines still hold true today, or have they been replaced by modernity and feminism?
See what She and He have to say about this:
She Said:
Everyone knows we’ve come a long way, ladies, when it comes to women’s rights (kick-ass!).
But did chivalry also get a ‘kick’?
I personally don’t know any woman who doesn’t have a boatload of independence and I also don’t know of any woman who doesn’t get satisfaction of owning and having a right to spending her own money.
Here’s the but: What about when it comes to dating? Basically what I’m getting at is the following: Do traditional dating guidelines still apply, when we make our guy call first and we have him pay (such a gentleman), or is it up to both you and your guy to split things, including where to go on a date?
“I think it’s up to both of you,” senior creative writing major Alyssa Vang says. “Some people still rely on chivalry and guys like to “be the man,” but I’m sort of a feminist in the way that I think decisions are equal in the minds of both males and females. Especially in dating, where it’s supposed to be something enjoyed by both.”
“It’s definitely nice for the guy to call, have him suggest a place, and pay,” junior global and international studies major Vanessa Rappleyea says. But, she says it depends on the situation.
“If a guy really really likes a girl then of course he’ll probably do all of the above. If the girl really likes the guy, and he is indifferent, I guess she should pick up the phone and get out her wallet.”
Torrina Adams, a senior adolescent education and math major agrees with Rappleyea.
“I think it depends on the situation. If the girl initiated the conversation [or] friendship, then it is up to the girl to call and set up the date,” she says. “However, if the guy started the conversation then it is up to him to call and have a date in mind. As a girl, I always prefer that guys initiate everything, but guys are shy.” This is why she says she doesn’t expect them to do all of the work.
“I believe if you are trying to have a realistic relationship, it would be better for both to discuss the place, time and how to pay,” says Jamie-Brooke Ruggio, a senior majoring in theatre technology and design. “On the other hand, if a guy wants to pull off a good first date or just wants to be romantic, then the guy should plan all and pay, visa versa for a girl as well depending on the relationship.”
Senior Christina LeBlanc, a graphic design major, believes that traditional dating guidelines still apply. But she tends to agree with Ruggio, Adams and Rappleyea that whoever brings it up first should be the one to initiate these guidelines.
“This way you won’t sound too pushy or impatient,” LeBlanc says. But, she adds, “Traditionally the guy should pay. And the girl has all the rights to suggest a place too.”
He said:
It’s a rapidly changing world. Social media runs our agenda, gay rights are more liberal and women have higher status and more freedom than ever before. Does this mean the rules of dating have altered as well?
In my experience, the initial process of dating between a man and woman goes a little something like this:
The man notices an attractive woman. Soon after determining whether she’s in his league or if he’s inebriated enough, the man will make his approach.
He’ll introduce himself and proceed with chitchat. If his face hasn’t been slapped or splashed by the woman’s drink, he’ll ask for her phone number (NOT Facebook add, he wants to be direct and personal). Of course the man will call or text first, she hasn’t got his number yet.
The man will decide a venue for their next encounter and if it’s a restaurant, the man might also have some sort of input on ordering the meals. This is either related to the traditional leading role the man has in dating, or it’s because he wants to eat more than tossed arugula leaves and tofu on a plate.
He WILL pay, especially if it’s the first date. Some argue it should be split. But if it’s the man’s idea for both of them to go out and he has any intentions of seeing the woman further, the man should step up and flash his cash.
Now comes the juicy stuff: The date has ended. All has gone well and the inevitable and slightly awkward moment is set to arrive. Whether it’s at her door, at a bus stop or in front of a cab, the pressure is on to for him to bid her an intimate farewell. And when the man and woman are both leaning in, who caves in first? He should.
This next step lies in a grey area. Occasionally she’ll call or text him back after the date first, but in most cases it’s still the man who cannot wait to express his desire to see her again. (Eighteen hours to three days afterwards, of course.)
There are plenty of exceptions that prove the rule: The estranged practice of loosening one’s mind with intoxicants and moving around convulsively in a loud, dark and crowded room tends to speed up the process and mix up the roles.
Dating in a traditional sense is not a concept entirely forgotten however, and the rules of chivalry still remain. Quite frankly, I am surprised at this. Smartphones and the Jersey Shore haven’t taken over our lives quite yet. For better or worse, it seems we can hold on to a century-old romanticism kept alive by novels and melodrama.