Somewhere along the lines of 2018, I found myself single for the first time in almost two years. After going through the breakup phases, I figured it was time to get myself back in the dating world — a scary thought, considering I hadn’t actually flirted with someone in a while. Regardless, what better way to re-enter the dating pool than to show off the best version of yourself on Tinder, right?
Wrong.
I’m not a romantic person whatsoever, so I don’t say this lightly, but Tinder is where romance goes to die. It’s where all the fuckboys are released from their cages. They think that because everything is being said through a screen, they can pretty much type whatever they want without even considering the fact that an actual person is going to read it. That being said, the following messages are some of the worst ones I have ever received.
Disclaimer: I did blur out their pictures and names, solely because I’m a nice person and I didn’t want any of them coming after me. I also didn’t include the really inappropriate ones just in case my mom is reading. Let us proceed.
1. Why did you even do that?
We’ll kick this list off with a mediocre message from a boy named Jonathan. Jonathan wished me a good morning one day to which I didn’t reply for whatever *valid* reason I had. A few days later when I didn’t respond, Jonathan took it upon himself to send me a picture of myself and ask what I’ve done this week. Annoying? Yes. A little creepy? Yeah, I’d say.
2. Jesus Christ, I’m unmatching with you RIGHT now
Does this one even need an explanation? Thank u, next.
3. Was that supposed to be funny?
For context, my bio on Tinder is “exclusively listens to emo music from 2006,” but apparently the anthem that I’ve set for myself is, as Ethan so lovingly pointed out, a remastered version from 2004. Don’t patronize me, Ethan.
4. Poor grammar = an unmatch
If I’m a whole damn snack, Ashton, then why couldn’t you have had the decency to at least spell check?
5. Why?
I guess this would have been a decent pick-up line if Gabriel hadn’t sent it on the 7th.
6. Sorry I let you down, I guess?
To end my compilation, I’m leaving you all with my absolute favorite Tinder message that I’ve ever received. At first, this man messaged me about music, so I talked to him for a while. I eventually stopped replying, again, for whatever valid reason I had at the time. When I didn’t reply, he decided to message me again. Okay, fine.
When I didn’t reply to his message from Oct. 3, this man waited 19 days to message me at 1 a.m. on a Monday to tell me that I let him down. Dawg.
This is why I’m still single.