Trigger Warning: Talk of death and grief
Although I knew it would happen one day, I never actually imagined what life would be like without my father. Due to him always being so much older than other parents I always knew I wouldn’t get to spend as much time with him as other kids get, but I thought he would at least be there to see me turn into a proper, stable adult. But like they always say, life is unfair and too short. It hasn’t been that long since his passing, but I can tell I am no longer the person I used to be. Grief is cruel, but you also have something to learn from it.
- Don’t wait for what you want to do.
Life truly is too short, although my father wasn’t one to put off doing things he was interested in, I personally am. Before my father’s passing, he told us all about what he wanted to do or was in the process of planning. It didn’t matter his age, he would at least give it a try. It’s important to remember as a young person that my time is also limited.
- Some people don’t understand
Learning that not everyone can understand what has happened or the gravity of
It was difficult. Everyone knows that it’s not fun to lose someone they love, let alone a parent, but that doesn’t mean they have personal experience. I sure didn’t before this event. A few weeks prior one of my closest friends lost a family member, and I remember trying to comfort her but not having the right words. That’s okay, there is no perfect way to respond.
- Write down their stories
This one is especially important when it comes to loved ones and family. It doesn’t have to be just stories that were verbally told to you, but also your own memories with your lost loved one. My father had many stories of his youth, it seemed like he had such an interesting life. All of which should be saved not only for his or my sake but as something everyone who lost him to remember him by. We should also make sure to save all the little things, especially the things that make us laugh.
- You will forget they are gone.
This one is still especially hard for me. It still hasn’t been that long, but I never knew that the brain will have trouble realizing that death is permanent. It should feel obvious, especially as an adult, but it’s really not. It’s different yet somewhat similar to how children perceive death, not fully realizing what it entails. There are many times when I go to call him or think I will be able to see him again.
- Don’t be afraid to wallow
It can feel like there is this expectation in society where someone only has a
select amount of time to grieve, or that there is only one or two correct ways to grieve. That simply is not true, I’ve seen it in my family how we all are dealing with our grief differently. Some people show it much more outwardly and are able to talk to others about it more. Others may be battling it more internally, and not be as open to talking about what has happened to them making it seem as if they have moved on quickly. Its important to remember that grief is on your own terms.
There is still so much I have yet to learn in this new world without my father and the process of grief. I would be lying if I said that looking ahead at what the rest of my life looks like without my father wasn’t terrifying. But I know it will one day make me stronger. While I personally have no real opinion about what comes after death, all i can hope is that it is kind.