The Do's And Don'ts Of Getting Over Your Ex

If you’re reading this, it probably means you’re going through a breakup. Maybe it just happened, you know it’s going to happen, or maybe it happened six months ago and you're still not over him or her (totally ok)! He or she was probably a dick anyway, and you definitely deserve better. Whatever it is, I know how tough this is. It hurts and you might feel totally alone right now, especially if you said that crazy four-letter word to each other. Why can’t there just be a quick fix to getting over your ex? Unfortunately, as much as I wish I could give you that quick fix, this article won’t do that. Time is the best way to heal a broken heart. I know that sucks to hear, but it’s true. I hope this article will be helpful in guiding you during that time.

Disclaimer, I am no expert on relationships, but I’ve been in my fair share, and I’ve learned a couple of lessons along the way. So here are a few...

DO make a fun breakup playlist. This helped me so much. I don’t mean sad, sappy love songs. I mean upbeat, empowering music that will make you proud to be single. Think “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande. One thing that made me feel a lot better was putting on this playlist while I was driving and singing along. It’s fun and it can be cathartic. I have my own breakup playlist that includes everything from rap to country. If you need some inspiration or you don’t feel like making your own, feel free to use mine.

DON’T watch sappy romance movies. Maybe you’re really in the mood for The Notebook, but in my experience, watching movies like that right after a breakup always just makes me sadder. Just like your playlist, you need to watch fun movies that will heighten your mood. Some suggestions include: "How to be Single", "Bridesmaids", "Legally Blonde," or "Aquamarine." All of these are uplifting and feature a strong female lead.

DO write in a journal. I’ve always been really into journaling, but after a breakup, I feel like I need to spend some extra time with pen and paper. After a breakup, you’re going to feel so many emotions and it might be hard to figure them out. Instead of bottling up all those emotions, write it out! Journaling will help you organize your thoughts and writing everything down will make you feel so much better. Before you know it, you’re going to be writing about how much better off you are without them!

DON’T cut your hair. I know, cutting your hair is like the most cliché, post-breakup thing ever, but I’m warning you in advance, don’t do it. At least not right away. Right after a breakup, your emotions are heightened and you aren’t thinking clearly. It may seem like a great idea at the time, but most likely you’ll end up regretting it. Just wait it out, and if you still really want those bangs a few weeks after the breakup, then go for it! Just don’t jump into making a big, permanent change without thinking about it clearly.

DO buy a new outfit or try a new makeup look. Go for that smoky eye you’ve been wanting to try, or splurge on that dress you really want. Doing this is much less permanent than cutting your hair, but it will give you an instant confidence boost.

DON’T try to stay friends. In my experience, you’re likely to spend most of the time hooking up or fighting, neither of which will make you feel better or make it easier to move on. Try to distance yourself from your ex. Taking the time and space you need will make it a much easier process, and you’ll feel much better in the long run.

DO block/unfollow them on social media. I know this one is so tough. You just want to see what they’re up to. And maybe I’m petty, but if I’m doing something cool and exciting I want them to know about it. Social media can make things much more difficult than they need to be. It’s not worth putting yourself through that pain, just so you can see what they’re doing on a Wednesday night. Block them and have an out of sight, out of mind mentality. If you’re really struggling on this one, have a friend do it for you. It’s a lot easier when they’re cheering you on. (Or in my case, judging me if I don’t).

DON’T isolate yourself. It may feel like all you want to do is stay in bed and cry over a tub of ice-cream, but don’t let yourself do that. Surround yourself with your favorite people. For me, honestly, it’s my mom. She always knows how to make me feel better. That being said, take the time you need to yourself. Don’t force yourself to constantly be doing something. You’ll run yourself down and in the end, that’ll just make you feel worse.

DO ask for closure. This is something that can be really difficult, and it’s not something you should do right away. Give yourself the time and space that you need, and when you feel ready, reach out to them. You deserve closure, and from my experience, it helps when trying to move on.

DON’T pretend that your fine or minimize your feelings. Chances are you don’t feel fine and you probably won’t for a while. Nobody expects you to be right after a breakup. It’s important that you fully let yourself feel your emotions. Don’t try to suppress them. Just let them out. Talk to your best friend, mom, therapist, or even, as I said above, write in a journal. Breakups are really hard! Don’t try to pretend that they’re not.

DO focus on your passions! Chances are you have a lot of free time now that you aren’t spending all that time with your ex. Use some of that extra time to find what you are really passionate about. If you already know what you’re passionate about, then spend more time focusing on it. Maybe there was something you really put on the back burner when you were in a relationship because you felt like you didn’t have the time for it anymore. Finding and focusing on something you are passionate about is a great way to take your mind off of the breakup.​

MAYBE have a one-night stand. Use this one with discretion. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Something no-strings-attached may be exactly what you need to boost your confidence and feel ready to get back out there.  This one definitely isn’t for everyone, hence why it’s a maybe. You know yourself best, and you know if this isn’t for you.

I hope this list helps! Just remember you are strong and beautiful and you will get through this. Everyone’s rooting for you and although it’s tough now, with a little bit of time you’ll meet someone that makes you totally forget about your ex. I hope these tips help you get through this difficult time. And hey, even if you only do (or don’t do) a few of the things on this list, that’s a step, which is a win in my book! Good luck, babe. You’re doing great <3

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