I met the most amazing guy during my junior year of high school. After months of talking and hanging out through the summer, we eventually began dating in the fall of our senior year. Flash forward to now, and we’re done with our first year of being in a relationship from 2,821 miles apart. With me at the University of Oregon and him at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, I’ve gained a good sense of what extreme distance from the person you love feels like and how it can affect your relationship.
Over the course of the past school year I’ve learned a lot about how to love someone from a distance and I have some tips to share for others who might be in a long-distance relationship too!
Develop a routine
My boyfriend and I developed many different aspects to our routine while we were apart. One of my favorites was during winter term when I had a class on the very far end of campus. My boyfriend didn’t have class then so every day we would talk on the phone while I made the long and cold trek to that class. It’s the little things.
Know each other’s schedules
During fall term my boyfriend was uber busy. He plays football and so he was busy with practices, team meetings, games, watching film, recovering from the physical toll it took on him, and school. Before I really understood his schedule, this was a very stressful time for me. I would text and get no response for hours, and that was scary! It’s important to communicate about what your day might look like in advance so your partner knows what to expect. It’s also important to get to know your partner’s class schedule so you can communicate more effectively.
Save up to take a trip to see them (if possible)
This was one of the things I looked forward to most during the year. I saved up money to be able to go see my boyfriend a couple times, and having a date set to look forward to was so helpful. This isn’t always possible for everyone because of other expenses, but if it is possible, try and make this happen. It’s a great way to find something to look forward to, and if you do get to go then you get to see your partner’s campus, dorm, dining halls, and what their life is like there! Exciting!
Make time to talk to them every day
Okay, so this is a pretty common one. But let me tell you, it is the most important thing you can do. It’s really easy to get caught up in being busy and all of the stresses that come with being a college student, but no matter what, you have to find the time for your partner. For me, that included talking to my boyfriend on the phone when one of us was walking to class, talking on the phone when I ate dinner, and even just having each other on the other end of the phone when we did homework. It helps so much, and it makes you feel a little less alone.
Acknowledge that some days will be harder than others
Say it with me, “it is okay to not feel okay”. Spending nearly every day with your partner, and then all of the sudden not being able to see them at all is not an easy thing to cope with. It. Sucks. Some days it will suck more than others. But in the end, remember that you are in this together, and if you’re having a hard day try and communicate that to them. Lean on each other, just like you would if you were together.
Find places and times where you have privacy
Roommates can be difficult. Dorms can be difficult. Privacy can be hard to find, but it is extremely important for all relationships. Try and identify times when you know that your roommate will be gone and use them. If that doesn’t work, try finding a private place or room on campus where you feel comfortable and can have some alone time talking to your partner. I had my car at school and so sometimes I would go and sit in my car for hours talking to my boyfriend, just so we could speak freely and feel alone for once.
All of these things were learned with time, and if you’re starting a long-distance relationship then you will learn these and many other tips and tricks along the way. In the end, long-distance relationships are difficult, but they are so worth it.