He has the most exceptional taste in music you’ve ever encountered, his voice sounds kinda like the way cologne smells, and you instantly connect when you see each other, whether you’re alone or picking each other out of the Friday-Night crowd at Taylor’s. You tell him your secrets and may or may not dream about what you’ll wear when you see him next. Hell, you might have even gone so far as to imagine which ring he’ll buy you or how your career paths will intertwine 15 years down the road.
He’s your someone. He’s your human. Sounds perfect, right?
Unless you’re like me. And if you are, then you already know the number one problem with this particular guy: he’s what Urban Dictionary defines as “someone who has surpassed the level of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached f***er or motherf***er”. That’s right, ladies. He’s a Class-Act Grade-A d-bag.
Hi, I’m Miss Em and I have a real bad habit of dating these guys.
Are you ashamed to introduce him to anyone? Does he only text you after midnight? Maybe he’s your ex. Maybe he stood you up to hang out with his roommates after you shaved your legs and poured yourself into that perfect outfit. Or maybe he’s the kind of guy that just looooves to have women (that’s right, more than one) in love with him. Whatever the reason, this is the guy that you know you shouldn’t like but still do, whether you admit it aloud or not.
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Whether you’re in this situation or trying to help a friend (whom you’ve warned over…and over… and over), let’s get real about these dudes so that we can get over them.
If you’re already aware that this guy of yours is a piece, you know that it can sometimes be tricky to tell a d-bag apart from a regular dude. They can be awfully sneaky. I mean, if we knew who they really were, we wouldn’t date them in the first place! In fact, the dude might not even be aware of his own d-bagness and have it confused with positive self-regard, which is beyond my level of comprehension but seems to be common among college guys. Sometimes the d-bagness slips in as “friendship” (ha) develops between you two, or possibly as the intoxication level increases. There may or may not have been warnings on the road, like knowledge of prior episodes or your own gut instinct, but he just seemed so damn delicious or made you feel so special that you thought, “I must be different! I must be special!”
Until he tries to give you the wrong pair of panties back.
The unfortunate reality is that you probably found out that this guy thinks it’s okay to tell you your boobs would look bigger if your stomach was flatter after you had already given him ample space in your mental real estate. Now, you may find yourself thinking, I should have known! or, I was so stupid to like him. But if you are like many girls, you are probably also wondering, Why do I still like him?
That, my dears, is the issue. It doesn’t matter so much that he’s a terrible human being without the dignity to apologize for his behavior. What matters most is that this horrendous guy went and stole your heart, despite how much more intelligent, beautiful, and really so much more ***king awesome you are than him. Now you are nothing but a pitiful mess, embarrassed and ashamed, while the dude just continues on in his path of destruction.
Let me make one thing loud and clear, ladies: it is okay to still like this d-bag. It’s not okay to still like him in the sense that you still speed over to his place the next time he invites you over for a party or a cuddle-puddle (warning, if he uses the term cuddle-puddle, he’s probably a d-bag.) What is okay is acknowledging that yes! you still have feelings for this guy!
Repeat: It is totally okay to still have emotions for someone you know you shouldn’t.
The more time you spend beating yourself up for still liking the guy, the worse you will feel about yourself. It is next to impossible to willingly change your emotions about someone. This is particularly true if the discovery of douchery is still fresh. What many women don’t realize is that it’s still okay to have emotions about someone after they hurt you, even if it was not exactly recent. All that this means is that you are a woman who is capable of deep and honest emotion for someone. Bravo! Already better than him!
This is the part where the gentlewoman gets off the bus and the 6-inch-heels-wearing, ball-busting-feminist-of-your-nightmares/dreams gets on to drive. Now you have the most magnificent of luxuries ahead of you: choice.
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What you choose to do about your emotions for this d-bag will determine how fantastic or miserable your life will be from this point forward. You can try to maintain a relationship with this guy or rethink for the twelfth time what he meant by “I see her sometimes” (hint, by ‘see’ he probably meant penetrate. Silly boy.)
Or you can harness that emotion and channel it into something much more splendid. Namely, yourself! You can fester or you can give yourself a big hug, paint your fingernails, go for a run, create something truly beautiful, spank the pants off of that final, whatever it is, YOU CAN DO SOMETHING, and whatever it is that you do for yourself, it will be a million times better than whatever he could have ever done for you.
So what if you are broken-hearted and maybe a bit more than regular-sad? That doesn’t have to get in your way of putting on real clothes, taking a shower, and spritzing yourself with your favorite perfume as you march on to conquer your day.
You are not worth wallowing in misery, just like you aren’t worth lies, heartache, or empty promises. You are worth whatever you are willing to do for yourself. And of course it’ll be hard, but emotions don’t just change when we will them.
That’s the first step. Deleting his texts and/or oat-mealing his windshield his totally up to you.
Yours,
Miss Em
Picture Sources:
fashiontalk2day.blogspot.com
funnyshirtz.info
floundersonfilm.wordpress.com