It’s an age-old notion — women go to college to find men. There are even things like your “Mrs. degrees” and “wife courses” that back up just what so many people think college is for, for women. That upon leaving college, you should have your potential (or confirmed) beau. But it’s not always true, and not always that easy. Especially if you plan to never get married. Like, ever.
Of course, as someone who promotes themselves as a self-proclaimed marriage demoter, I get the typical “But you never know!” about 300 times a week. Every time I tell someone that I don’t plan on getting married, their instant reaction is either, “WHAT?!” or “Just you wait and see,” or the sympathetic nod as if they simply understand everything that I based my decision upon but still are convinced I will eventually, end up married. And I’m not saying these people are wrong, either. I might actually end up married to someone in the near, far, or super far future. But as of now, I know that the lifestyle and personality I want and have do not follow those that are compatible with marriage.
And I’m here to tell you why that’s okay.
Being someone who has dealt with the constant onslaught of ‘you’re ridiculous’s’ and ‘yeah right’s’, I like to think I know how to deal with the marriage culture. And I definitely know that I know how to deny someone of their convinced attitudes that I will eventually get married. To start off, you simply have to stand your ground. Of course you can’t predict the future, but as of now, that’s exactly what you want. And you need to tell people that. I’ve started to just straight up tell family members and other question-ers that yes, I know I’m no psychic, but at this very time in my life, I do not wish to get married. Or think about getting married. And if it makes them look at you like you have 60 heads or 30 toes, so be it. It’s your life and your decision.
So you know how to deal with the haters, but what makes not getting married really, truly okay? Well, simply because of the fact that it’s your life and you get to make that thing however you want to make it. It’s a little harder to live your life without ever getting married because it’s such a social norm, and it’s almost expected of all grown people on the planet. But it’s really not the worst thing in the world to be different from everybody else.
Working is typically a large part of someone’s life. As a person who can decide where they would like their life to go, I have figured out I would like to be married to my work. It’s extremely hard to be a high-up, business-class professional and carry both a husband, and probably eventually, a few kids, with a very demanding job. And that job I hope to possess in my future is extremely demanding in terms of time, effort, and energy. Knowing this, I realize I don’t want to be married and simply let that husband/kids/family down.
Secondly, families are hecka expensive. And not in the like, “Oh, I’ll lose about $5 here and there,” kind of expensive. The stats are SCARY, folks. For example, for a middle-class, working family with two parents, two kids, and a pet to live comfortably, you’re paying about $65,695 a year. That’s no walk in the park, and I just don’t feel like paying it.
Finally, the outlook for married life is not predicted to be pretty. Coming from a family of divorce, the cons typically outweigh the pros for me. I look at stats like the 69% divorce rate, and realize that I would probably never be able to walk down the aisle with that special man and not be worried that it could end in disaster. It’s not the most positive outlook, I know, but it definitely worries me. And that’s okay!
So if you’re a woman in college and not even close to thinking about getting married – worry not! You’re not alone. It’s completely normal, it’s more than respectable, and just because so many people are doing it, doesn’t mean you have to as well! So live your life, make your decisions, and remember – things can always change.