How to Stay Positive

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Acceptance and Recognition from other people:

Emily: We have this instinctive societal pressure to be understood and accepted by everyone else.  I can tell you first-hand that it definitely hurts to be treated like you’re inferior… High school was hard.  But you should never think that you should have to fundamentally change something about yourself.  I’ve realized that I may have never been a ‘cool’ person and I may never be the most talked about person in the room.  But I am a person and that is enough.

You are not what others make you out to be. You make your own choices in life, and those choices help shape your image of yourself.

The more you realize your potential rather than whether or not you are doing everything perfectly, the easier it will be to feel positive.  Whether it’s simply feeling like you’re part of an inside group, or getting the recognition you believe you deserve, ultimately the only acceptance that you need is from yourself.

Barbara: You’re never going to be satisfied with everyone. There are going to be people who will never accept or love you like you deserve, and that’s the honest truth there is. But you’ll never be satisfied with anything until you’re satisfied with yourself.

Too many people are judgmental. Too many people could care less about your happiness. But those people aren’t worth your time.

It’s hard trying to impress or satisfy people who do matter like your parents. The need for approval and wanting them to be proud of you will never go away. All of that is great, but remember never to compromise your ambitions, goals, and passions for someone else’s approval.

Being Single:

Emily: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone around me say, “I NEED a guy.”  The sad thing about this is that the more I see a person lament about this, the more it can become the source of their depression.  But there’s a real problem there.  No one NEEDS a significant other to validate them as a worthwhile person.  In the end, that’s where that desperation comes from: A desire to be loved and accepted by another person.  If they really wanted a relationship, they would want it for a specific person that they’d developed strong feelings for.  That’ll come with time.

Besides, we’re so young! We have all this time to focus on ourselves right now. Who needs a relationship?

Barbara: It’s a wonderful thing to be loved by a special someone. I miss that feeling. But that feeling isn’t everything and shouldn’t be your number one obligation. I feel like too many people, including myself, find themselves desperately searching for happiness from someone else rather than finding it in themselves.  Love is beautiful thing and highly contributes to someone’s happiness.  But honestly, you can’t love someone to your fullest, the way they deserve, unless you love yourself.  In all honestly, I wouldn’t be able to love to the fullest. And I know plenty of people who would say the same. It’s sad, but that just means sometimes you have to focus on yourself to get what you want in a relationship.

Body Image and Self-Esteem:

Emily: I think everyone is beautiful.  Although a good personality is the most important, that’s not what I meant.  It’s true that a good personality shines through and makes anyone look better.  But the physical differences that people have; in their facial structures, skin-tones, body types, voices, teeth, just about anything, make me admire them.  I genuinely think that many “imperfections” are so attractive.  Who would want everyone to look extremely similar, if not the same, to everyone else to fit a certain standard of beauty?  That’s boring!  … And pretty eerie.  If you’ve seen that episode of The Twilight Zone, “Number 12 Looks Just Like You,” you’ll understand what I mean.

Barbara: It’s hard growing up now. We are always getting compared to someone else, and most of the time we are the ones doing it to ourselves.

Your self-worth shouldn’t be something you compromise, something you disregard, or something you throw away all together. It’s everything. At the end of the day you need to believe you’re worth it. Because if you do, it’ll affect everything: your confidence, your dreams, and your overall well-being.

We are all pretty different. Embrace it. Screw everyone who thinks otherwise.

Stress:

Emily: I think the most important thing I’ve learned about happiness is that you choose whether or not you will be happy.  If you let little things stress you out, then you will be worried and unhappy.  Yes it’s important to plan ahead and have ambition for your life, but in the long run everything is going to be okay.  Someday you will become financially successful, meet the love of your life, and fulfill all your hopes and dreams… at least that’s the attitude to have.  Because if you let stress and anxiety affect your life, none of that will happen will it?

• SUNY Oneonta