Why I find Inspiration in Myself

Okay, so I get this sounds conceited at first glance. But let me tell you my story before you judge me.

When I was a kid, everyone honestly never expected much of me. I wasn’t smart - I hated studying. I hated reading. I hated life. But then someone gave me a book, a book that granted isn’t that great of a book but that changed my life because it was the book that turned me into a reader and, eventually, a writer. When I was ten, I was given “Evermore” by Alyson Noel. This book resonated with me for some reason and for some reason it gave me the courage to start writing my own stories. The first about a girl named Valerie. Then Rose. Then all the others that came after.

This all lead to me having the courage to study when my family had issues and I didn’t have educational opportunities. I started teaching myself at 11, and before long, I was not only caught up in school, but I was ahead. I graduated a year early from high school, taking an unexpected gap year. A gap year that, if you knew me at the time, shattered my heart and made me think I wouldn’t get to go to college. Then that year to my surprise, it lead to a full ride scholarship at the University of Mississippi. A place where it seemed like everyone was rich, fake. The car I paid for myself in full was much different than the brand new BMW’s that Daddy’s money bought for the girls around me. They had opportunities and were pretty - I was...well, not. I grew really depressed throughout my time at Ole Miss, but although I never felt good enough, one thing I never did was give up. I didn’t stop. I fought harder. I strive more. I kept going. For me, at first, I thought everyone else is having the best time. They were doing better than me. But when I printed photos from the past six months of my life and posted them on my wall - I was shocked at how proud I was of the woman in those photos.

The woman in those photos had just faced a severe mental break down, the worst depression in her life, a sexual assault, and severe financial struggles. And you wanna know what she did in the face of that? She took all that negativity and fought that much harder to do better. What did I do? I interned in New York. I went to a leadership conference in Tempe, Arizona. I finished draft five of my novel. I wrote a piece for a magazine. I didn’t let anything stop me. I went for it. Because even though I’d faced much pain in the months previous, I am determined to have the best time of my life. Granted, maybe it hasn’t been the best - but at least I am fighting to get better. I inspire me because, when the going gets tough, I’ve yet to give up, and I’ve always tried my hardest, even grinding my teeth through it all, to fight for a better future.

That’s why I inspire me. I came from little, and I’ve already accomplished more than anyone around me thought I could’ve. And to be honest, I’ve accomplished more than I even thought I could. And, spoiler alert: you can too.