That is the reaction people give when I tell them I don’t want kids. Followed with a lot of “Well you’ll change your mind, I didn’t want kids at your age either, it’s different when you have your own,” but I really don’t want kids. I don’t fantasize about being pregnant or going to soccer games, and I know what parenting honestly is because I’ve worked with kids most of my life.
I’ve done the soccer games, I’ve done school runs with a toddler strapped to my side, I’ve made the lunches, and I don’t like it. Sure, kids are wonderful and I love kids but I don’t want that to be my life. I don’t want to go to PTA, I want to go to business meetings. Going to soccer practices, having meaningless discussion with other parents, pretending to like certain people, and the mundane insincerity that comes along with having a child kind of depresses me but other people feel the need to chime in.
I constantly get told how I will never feel as fulfilled as I would with motherhood, and that without children my life is ultimately meaningless. Here is what I have to say to that: if my lack of children allows me to help others with my career, then good. If my lack of children allows my husband and me to be happier, that’s wonderful. But ultimately if my lack of children makes me happy in my life then that is damn amazing.
Mostly though, these comments should stop because it’s not logical for me to have my own children due to my health and my family health history. It holds a good level of danger for me and my mental health to go through the hormonal changes that come along with pregnancy, and leaves me with the option of adoption. So every time someone mentions “It’s different with your own kids,” or “Pregnancy is magically” dirt could be getting thrown into someone’s face. Not everyone can have kids, and not everyone wants to have a child. If you don’t want kids your life will be just as whole, and if you do want kids your life will stillbe just as whole. Stop giving other people shit.