Recovering from a breakup has to be one of the hardest things you can do. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable with someone and things end up not working out sometimes. Maybe he broke up with you or you broke up with him – either way, moving on is hard and it hurts having to accept. Things probably seem hopeless and you probably think you’ll never get better, but you will! Humans have an indescribable capacity to heal and grow. Here are some tips I’ve learned going through my own break up. This Valentine’s Day is your time to finally clean out that closet.
Personal day.
Allow yourself to mourn the end of the relationship. You’re hurt and upset. Let yourself really feel that; don’t try to avoid it by using distractions. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. If you need time to be alone, take it! If you need to cry, do it!
Reconnect with your friends.
Remember those people you used to spend time with before you met your boyfriend? Being in a relationship is time-consuming and a lot of people unintentionally lose touch with close friends. Now is the time to shoot them a text or a phone call. Good friends will always be there for you and listen. At least they will never abandon you.
Stop blaming yourself!
Stop blaming yourself- period. It takes two to break up, the problem wasn’t just you, it was you two as a couple. It was not your fault. Ban the words “if only” from your vocabulary right now!
Cut him out.
Maybe you assume you are a reasonable and mature person who can handle seeing the occasional reminder of him on your Facebook timeline. After a breakup, it is understandable to want to know what your ex is up to. But if you truly want to move on, you need to cut off all contact. That means blocking him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram AND your phone. Actually doing this can be very hard. Our curiosity at times overpowers our reason. Trust me – you do not want to waste hours constantly refreshing his Facebook page trying to get some little information about what is going on in his life. Focus on what you’re doing.
It is what it is!
Try to stop over obsessing over things done or said. It is. What it is. Constantly trying to figure out where it all went wrong is unhealthy and pointless. You cannot move on and grow as a person mentally if you are stuck going in circles. You will never find the magical solution.
Find a box.
It’s time to rid your room of anything that reminds you of him. Having items around you that constantly reminds you of him is unhealthy. You don’t have to throw out all the things he gave you. It understandable to have an attachment to those memories but you do not need to reminded of it constantly. Bury that box deep in the back of your closet.
Wine about it!
If you feel an impulse to get drunk alone, call some friends instead. It’s the worst being alone and sad and drunk. At least be sad with people you love. Call your closest girl friends for a much needed cheese and wine night. It’s time to let it out. Give yourself a night to completely embrace what you’re feeling and try to express it with your friends.
DON’T!
Do not rebound before you’re ready to. I know that you’re probably feeling lonely but rebounding when you’re not ready will only bring in problems to another relationship. Make sure you’re ready to date again. It is not a competition of who finds someone else first.
Pick up a hobby.
Try out a new hobby or even try to get a second job. Instead of spending your days being sad, do something constructive that will help you grow skills. Become a smarter and better YOU. You can pick up photography, start a blog, and try a sport or anything! Use all the newly freed up time to your advantage and be productive.
Peace of mind.
Let go and try to find yourself. Often when we are in a relationship our lives become centralized to this other person. Many people forget about their own needs and forget to take care of themselves. Try to find out who are without him and embrace it. Practicing meditation is a healthy way to center one’s self mentally.
It’s going to be okay.
Don’t panic. I know how devastating a break up can be. Feeling as if you will never be happy again. You will. It just takes time and effort. If you sit around and let your sadness completely encompass your soul and do nothing about it, you will never get better. Moving on requires action.
This V-Day, remember to B.Y.O.B…. BE YOUR OWN BAE.