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I’m an extrovert. I have been forever. Both of my parents are extroverted, and in general, all three of their kids are too. We grew up with people always in our house. Everything was a social experience. We all thrived around people, so being in large groups or consistently around people in general wasn’t a problem for anyone.
When I got to college, I got involved in everything I could. I had a huge friend group and was always around people from the time I got ready in the morning until I was about to pass out from exhaustion every night. I dated extroverted guys and we stayed around other people. It was a good time, but none of those relationships ever worked out.
I had known my husband for five years when we started dating. Our relationship started out of friendship instead of mutual interest, like past relationships had. Pretty quickly, we realized that where I am extremely extroverted, he is incredibly introverted.
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The dynamic between us shifted when we moved from friendship to romance, and so did our needs with each other. He needed some time just one on one with me and time alone to be at his best. One of the things I had to learn very quickly was how to spend time in the quiet, with nobody else. He recharged and felt most alive when he had time to himself to reset and unwind. I wasn’t used to incorporating alone time into my life. There was a major adjustment period.
A year and a half into marriage, I’ve learned that time alone can be sweet and refreshing. I’ve learned the value of quiet and calm. He has learned that time with groups or just spending time with people consistently can also be fun and good for the soul. It’s been a strange transition for both of us, learning how to manage our time to meet the other’s needs. It has also been eye opening for both of us. With a new-found appreciation for the opposite way of charging up, and at this point, we’re both benefiting from it.
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Being with someone that has the same style of energy as you works well for some couples, my parents are a great example of that. But it shouldn’t be an aspect of someone that makes or breaks the relationship. Challenge each other to learn how to be around people consistently, or take time to be alone and rest. Either way, everyone is learning, growing, and becoming better versions of themselves.