*** DISCLAIMER: Please be aware that the opinions in this piece do not reflect the official stance and views of Her Campus, Her Campus Oklahoma nor The University of Oklahoma.***
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Let’s talk about something we know about all too well. According to the National Sexual Assault Resource Center, 1 in 5 women will be raped in their lifetime in the United States. 1 in 3 women will experience sexual violence. More than 90% of victims of sexual assault on college campuses will not report. In the midst of the #MeToo and #WhyIDidntReport movements we are hearing horrifying excuses that further perpetuate rape culture.
Women and people of all gender identities are fed up with this egregious system we are caught up in. There are excuses upon excuses as to why women are so often the victims of sexual assault, violence and harassment. None of them matter. “Boys will be boys” is bullshit and we all know it. The brains of teenage boys are not so underdeveloped that they lack impulse control and empathy, they have just been shown that there are no consequences for their actions. You can commit crimes against women and no one will say a thing. In fact, if she does say something, we will accuse her of lying and slander. Right now we as a nation give more weight and power to men in cases of rape, we argue that “one mistake” shouldn’t ruin a life, “that is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life,” we also question why women don’t report sooner.
Women don’t report the crimes committed against us because we have been shown time and time again that no one will believe us, and even if they did, no one will go to bat for us. For every 1000 reports of rape only 6 rapists will face jail time. Women are often accused of lying about rape allegations, when only 2-8% of reported rapes are false. Women are often blamed for being the victims of sexual assault. “She should’ve known better,” “what was she wearing,” “she was drinking what did she expect,” the only people to blame for rape are rapists.
When women come forward after several years we ask her “why not sooner,” as if being a survivor isn’t traumatic enough without being ostracized by everyone around you for experiencing it. It takes serious guts to come forward after years of shame and fear to report an abuser, it takes even more to do it on a public stage when your abuser is in a place of power. Most women that come forward after several years of silence do so to protect other women, they know they will be blamed, or not believed, or re-traumatized; yet they come forward anyway. That is a type of strength and courage that is incredible.
When excuses are made for perpetrators of sexual violence we are spitting in the face of every survivor, we are telling them they don’t matter, we are letting women know that they have no safe space to exist.
Currently the senate and president are trying to confirm Brett Kavanaugh as a Supreme Court Justice, he has two credible accusations against him for sexual misconduct. One from Christine Blasey Ford, a woman he knew in high school, and another from Deborah Ramirez, a classmate from Yale. So far Dr. Ford has received death threats and has had to leave her home. The President himself has already called Ramirez’s credibility into question, by saying she admitted to being drunk. As if being drunk is a good reason to not believe a victim, or that having alcohol justifies being sexually assaulted (spoiler alert: it doesn’t.)
People are coming out of the woodworks to defend the actions of a 17 year old Kavanaugh, basically all stating that “bad choices made in youth shouldn’t affect the rest of his life.” Like these women and others like them did have someone else’s choice affect them for the rest of their lives. That women are just a prop, our bodies a vessel for impulsive young men. This mentality that “boys will be boys” is damaging. Boys and men have self control, they know how to out think their impulses. To excuse the behavior of men that decide to perpetrate rape, sexual violence and assault as a “lack of control of their baser urges” is harmful to everyone.
“Boys will be boys” is one of, if not, the most ridiculous excuses for sexual assault, misconduct, and rape. It’s a load of garbage, let’s start acting like it. Believe survivors, listen to them, and hold men responsible for their actions.*
*Please note that not all men are abusers, in fact most aren’t. If this offends you anyway, you’re a part of the problem, but that’s a talk for another day.