DISCLAIMER: I am not a dating expert, nor a therapist. If I state something that you don’t agree with, that is totally okay! You know yourself better than anyone and you are entitled to your belief. These traits happen to be things I’ve noticed/experienced in relationships that never work out, but we can all argue that I haven’t been in the middle of every relationship out there.
Hey, Girl! Based on the title of this letter, you’re curious about whether you’re ready for a relationship. And that’s a good thing! We all need to ask ourselves this question before entering any form of romance. This is because we are being honest with ourselves, which is never a bad thing. So, here you are, wondering if you’re ready for a relationship. And I want to help you with that. I am fortunate enough to have an amazing boyfriend whom I love spending time with. But that’s not because I won in the luck of the draw. It’s because I was honest with myself and knew what kind of relationship I wanted. After observing my surroundings and filtering through a couple of other guys, I made a vow I would never allow myself to be second best. This means I would always put myself first when it would come to the dating game.
I made sure I was ready for a relationship by learning to make myself my priority. And, trust me, I understand that is much easier said than done. If you are at a stage in your life where you prioritize your friends’ (or family’s) happiness over yours, then I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship. If you see your friends’ happiness as more important than your own, then you will also see your partner’s happiness as more important than yours. This is not to say you shouldn’t take your partner’s feelings into consideration, nor that you shouldn’t make sure your partner is satisfied with your relationship. But I do mean to say that you will be making constant sacrifices in the relationship, and that quickly becomes draining.
Your happiness should not come at the expense of being in a relationship. If you are willing to date the first person who gives you any form of affection, I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship. This can circle back to my first point, but it can also mean you could be ignoring possible red flags. This person could end up being the best for you, and in that case, that’s great! But this person could also end up draining you of your happiness and security, and in case that happens, it’s always nice to test the water and get to know a couple more guys or girls before making any decisions.
Practicing self-love comes with practicing confidence. A goal before entering any relationship is feeling confident within yourself. If you are constantly doubting your choices or personality, you’re likely to try and fit into the mold of your significant other. Not only is that mentally draining (because you’re constantly having to put on an act around your significant other), but it’s doing a disservice to yourself because you’re not embracing your true personality.
There is one thing I want you to remember, too: “You are allowed to be a work in progress and a masterpiece at the same time.” Always work on bettering yourself, but also remember to be easy and forgiving with yourself, too. It is in no way easy to perfect getting into any sort of relationship and everyone is bound to mess up along the way. Practicing self-love also means practicing self-patience. You must be able to forgive yourself along the way. It’s also important to hold yourself up on a pedestal because if you don’t, no one else will.
You’re amazing and you’re beautiful. You’re smart and you’re compassionate. Remind yourself of you amazing qualities. Then, go on and live your best life! And remember, as Dr. Phil says, the most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself! You got this!